How to Tie a Tie

by - 7:02 PM

It's the night before Christmas and all through the house... my parents can hear my frustrated groans and hissed swear words. Christmas is tomorrow and that means one thing in the Fisher family: fancy clothes. We don't go to church, we don't do anything special, but if you're not wearing fancy clothes to Christmas dinner, no matter how normal the food is, you're in a world of trouble.
Thisyear I decided to wear my Ravenclaw tie to our small Christmas dinner. After all, what's fancier than a Hogwarts uniform? Let's face it, nothing can beat that. There's only one problem: I have no idea how to tie a tie...

Right after I bought my Ravenclaw tie during my Harry Potter Studio Tour, I realized I had a wonderful tie, but no idea how to tie it... Iasked every single guy I know if they knew how to tie a tie. All I got was blank stares. My dad was clueless, my friends thought I'd finally lost my marbles, even my awesome Granddad was clueless. Lucky for me, I bumped into my neighbour one day and he knew exactly how to tie a tie.
I was over the moon. It looked so awesome, even muggles liked it. But then things changed. Shortly before writing this post, the knot in my tie somehow shifted. When I wore it, it looked just a little off...
With Christmas only hours away, I decided to try tying it myself. Step by difficult step...

Step 1: Look at the chart my Granddad gave me
How about that: my 83 year old Granddad who only speaks Dutch with a thick local accent has a chart that's from top to bottom in English!
I don't know how to read this thing. Left to right, right? Oh great, this thing shows multiple ways to tie a tie. It even has a bowtie turotial. I'm impressed. Also a little intimidated. Let's just get this thing going then...

Step 2: Put the tie around your neck
Okay, that's easy enough. Around my neck, just like that. But which end of the tie should be longer. Should they be the same length? Why doesn't my chart tell me? Granddad, your chart ain't helping right now!

Step 3: Fold the longer part over the short - twice
Apparently one end should be longer than the other one. Which end though? The fat end? The skinny end? I don't think that's how I should call it, but you know what I mean. I'm going to go with the fat end, wrap it around the other and... do it twice, right? 
Right. Twice. I have this situation under control. Totally.

Step 4: Pull the longer part through some opening you should have made
So now the fat end goes up and through something and done! Not done? No, not done. I can't find the opening where I should pull it through. There is no way I can get this end through anything. There is no place to put it! God, that's starting to sound very wrong in my head...
Let me try again. Up and through... not here. Nope, not like that... Maybe I should... Great, I'm stuck.

Step 5: Get stuck
Yeah. Okay. I don't know what I did, but apparently I shouldn't have done it. My chart says nothing about hands getting stuck in ties...

Step 6: Try to fix things
Deep breaths, Envy, you can do this. Everything is under control. There is not reason why this won't work out, just try again. I have no idea how I got things to get so messed up, but I can save this. It's not Christmas just yet, let me try again.

Step 7: Get stuck again
And... stuck again! Seriously? Seriously, Ravenclaw tie? Why are you doing this to me?! I love you and you, you just let me down like this! Now I understand why the Dutch word for tie translates to 'noose tie'. This thing is out to kill me.

Step 8: Throw the tie in frustration on the floor
Done! I am done with you!

Step 9: Give up and wear it as a head band instead
Fancy shmancy Christmas dinner? I'll just go like this, wear my Marvel shirt with it and face the music.

Merry Christmas everyone!
Stay Awesome!

PS. While taking pictures for this post, I actually found out how to tie a tie! So don't worry about my, I'll be fine this Christmas :)

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6 Fellow Ramblers

  1. Haha, I'm so glad that I'm not obligated to wear a tie...ever! One time I tried to learn, but quickly realized that it just wasn't worth the struggle, haha. Fun post! Merry Christmas!

    I hope you survive your dinner.

    1. Thank you! My grandparents won't be there this year, so my survival chances have skyrocketed :P
      Tying a tie is so much effort, I'm surprised people still do it. But to be honest, once you get it, it's pretty easy :)

  2. Also, I just tried to click through the bloglovin' link in your bio, and I think it's linked to an old blog? Just thought I'd let you know:)

    1. Oh thank you so much for letting me know! I chanced my url and blog name in October and had some trouble with Bloglovin' since that moment. Lost in Translation just didn't have a page and the old page (the one the link led to) wouldn't update anymore... I got a new page three weeks ago, maybe more, but totally forgot to update the link in my bio. Thanks again for pointing it out, if you hadn't said it, I'd forget about it alltogether... Thank you!

  3. LOL this post is hilarious xD I love the expressions on your face, literally speaks volumes and all along the lines of "I am so done with this".
    And using a tie as a headband! It looks perfect!

    1. Haha, thanks :) My expressions are 100% genuine, because not only was I struggling with a tie, my camera's battery died while taking the pictures, my tripod broke, when the battery was charged the camera kept falling over... I was so done with the whole thing by the time I oculd finally start taking pictures for step 3 to 7 XD I was glad I'd taken the other three earlier XD
      I'd go out with the tie as a headband if only my mom let me :P


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