How to Be Succesfull on the Internet

by - 9:11 PM

I've been blogging for quite a long time now: over 2.5 years. The first year and a half I was just writing random life updates no one cared about (not even me). But then something changed. It all started with a post in which I tried to figure out if I was a hipster. I started writing lots of silly posts and hoped my blog would become popular and successful. It didn't.
Sometimes I ask myself what I'm doing wrong. I decided to stalk some famous bloggers and YouTubers to discover their secret and answer the question we're all asking ourselves: How do I get famous on the internet?

There are a few unwritten rules you need to follow if you want to become a successful internet celebrity. Warning: as these rules are unwritten, I may have missed a few. These should at least get you started.

#1: Follow-for-Follow
Okay, let's get you started. First you have to write your very first blog post. Just a short and sweet notice that you're new to the blogging world. But before you actually start blogging, you're going to gain some followers. First you're going to build an audience, then you're going to blog, understood?
The best way to build this audience is to go around begging for follow-for-follows. One tip: especially fashion bloggers will do the follow-for-follow thing with you.
I admit that I've done a few follow-for-follows too, way back when I first started. I stopped doing that pretty soon. I mistake I'm still paying the price for.

#2: Be picky about blog buddies
So you've got yourself an audience. It may happen that you come to like a few of your fellow bloggers a lot. Be careful thoug: only become friends with them if they're useful. It's all about networking in the blogosphere. A collaboration/shoutout can get a YouTuber hundreds of subscribers in a day, so remember: suck up to some big bloggers! Don't keep on hanging out with bloggers that can't help you to become famous!
I think this is where I went wrong too: once you're my blog buddy, you're my friend and I don't care how many followers you have.

#3: Use stupid pictures with annoying captions
This is one thing I learned way back in my DeviantArt days: pictures of feet will always beat quality content. I know that pictures are an important part of a blog post, but sometimes I'm really clueless about what kind of picture I should add. That's why I sometimes don't use any pictures at all. So I write a pretty awesome post (or at least I think it's pretty awesome), and then it gets less views than a post that looks like this:


OMG it's finally summer and I can wear shoes with open toes again!
I loooooooooooooooooove red nail polish, it's my favorite!

It's pretty frustrating to see a post like that become incredibly popular. Especially if other posts by the same blogger include nothing but selfies with pointless captions.

#4: Don't be funny
I have a very weird sense of humor. Most of the time people laugh about my jokes without knowing that I wasn't making a joke at all.
Anyway, there are quite a few posts on this blog that have made people laugh. Don't write posts like that. Be lame and loveable, not funny. If you feel the urge to make a joke on your blog, make sure it's not something original: make fun of something safe, like autocorrect.
However, there are a few internet celebrities out there who are 'funny', because they like weird stuff or do weird stuff. If you take a good look at them, you'll see they're forcing themselves to be funny. Or they're not funny at all, just weird, but people think they're funny because someone else told them to think that.
Oh, and never ever make fun of Fifty Shades of Grey. Believe me, that'll cost you some followers.

#5: Give advice on pointless matters
Kind of like what I'm doing right now. If you're a girl, tell others what they should look like. If you're a guy, tell others what they should play. Out of ideas? Make videos about Minecraft, success guaranteed!

So you see, there's an easy way to become a famous blogger. But if I'm totally honest, I have to say that I'd rahter have 75 followers who actually like my blog than 75.000 who only followed me because I offered a follow-for-follow.

Stay Awesome!

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18 Fellow Ramblers

  1. Abigail LennahJune 9, 2015 at 11:13 PM

    I agree with your last paragraph wholeheartedly! I never did follow for follows blog wise, but on Instagram I have and I have regretted doing it....

    xoxo Morning

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyJune 13, 2015 at 1:50 PM

      I think we all have some follow-for-follows we regret. I know I do...

      Delete
  2. MJune 10, 2015 at 1:14 PM

    That last sentence was perfect. Anyone would rather a bunch of genuine readers than thousands of followers. And don't ruin your content with meaningless images with meaningless captions either. Just write whatever you want to write, make fun of whatever you think is stupid and crack whatever joke you want. It's your blog, and people who relate will be the ones who follow in the end.

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyJune 13, 2015 at 1:52 PM

      I'm not going to make a habit of using ugly pictures ofmy feet :P
      I don't like this approach of blogging, so I'll stick to what I'm doing. I have a lot of fun blogging, even if it's just for a small audience, and I'm not going to change anything just to become famous.

      Delete
  3. UnknownJune 10, 2015 at 2:24 PM

    I used to do the follow for follow thing too but now I don't. Write whatever makes you feel happy and those who do enjoy reading your blog and what you have to say will come back. Your blog doesn't have to be like anybody else's blog because it's amazing as it is! Even if you have a few genuine readers then that's all that counts.

    -Kathie K
    A Sea Change

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyJune 13, 2015 at 1:54 PM

      Thank you, Kathie ^-^
      I'm so glad to have readers and blog buddies like you :) It makes blogging so much more fun.
      Sometimes I want to be all judgy and mean about follow-for-follows, but I think most bloggers have done a follow-for-follow at times. I don't do them anymore, unless I really like the blog.

      Delete
  4. Lea MJune 10, 2015 at 9:33 PM

    Hey,
    Ohh yes, the dream about being famous and the reality. These "rules" you listed are guarantee famous, but disguise yourself because you want to get famous? I think it isnot an good idea. Maybe we are the people without a huge audience but you have the chance to be yourself and talking about stuff you want. The world have enough fashion bloggers and people with follow by follow why do the same? To become famous ? Fame is not all in life. Sure you are looking up to them but why everyone dream about it.
    I admit I knew about the unwritten rules but it's great that a person have the courage to talk about it. Thank you .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyJune 13, 2015 at 1:58 PM

      Hey Lea!
      I agree, it's not a good idea to follow these rules, I tried making them into a joke. I'll never change who I am just because I want more people to like me. That'd be so stupid...
      I wish there were more lifestyle bloggers who became famous, or people who write a novel online. I feel like these people are the ones who deserve to be famous.
      I don't see why we should keep our mouths shut about these rules. They're all so stupid. Besides, people who've followed these rules are now a bad example to new bloggers.

      Delete
  5. Saee PatkarJune 11, 2015 at 5:43 AM

    I do agree with you that these are the ways to becoming a famous blogger. But if that's the way I've to do it, than I'd rather not be famous at all. I want to be appreciated for my content and not judged by the number of followers I have. Judge me by what I write, what people write about me. I enjoy having my own space, voicing my opinions and freely talking about things I'm passionate about. If I become famous for that, then I'm all for it. But if I have to beg for followers or turn into a fashion blogger so people like me, then thanks, but no.

    I think you should stick to your originality. Your sense of humour, your way of writing already makes you stand out, like you yourself mentioned in a previous post. You'll be famous for that, I'm sure. I also kinda had the feeling that your post was supposed to a satirical take on internet success these days. Forgive me if I'm wrong.

    Love,
    Saee
    Wonderland

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyJune 13, 2015 at 2:02 PM

      I totally agree with you!
      Our originality is what makes us 'unknown bloggers' so special, I wish more people would appreciate that. Everyone is so obsessed with fashion bloggers who are all doing the same thing. So yes, this was supposed to be a satirical take on internet success. I think you were the only one who got it :P

      Delete
  6. AylaJune 11, 2015 at 7:45 PM

    Ummmmmm, I can't tell if this is a joke or not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyJune 13, 2015 at 1:49 PM

      It's a joke, a very bad one, but a joke ;)
      I got a little fed-up with people who became famous this way

      Delete
    2. AylaJune 13, 2015 at 6:11 PM

      Oh my gosh thank goodness. Phew.

      Delete
    3. EnvyJune 14, 2015 at 3:20 PM

      Hahaha, I would never advice anyone to actually follow these rules. These are just some things I noticed while looking at famous bloggers and it annoyed me a lot; I had to post about it

      Delete
  7. UnknownJune 14, 2015 at 12:53 AM

    Ah, I love your sarcasm! But if that's the way to be famous, I'm glad I'm not. I may not always have great posts but I write about what I like and I love my actual followers (more than I would like 10k follow-for-follow followers). Awesome post! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyJune 14, 2015 at 3:36 PM

      Thank you!
      You're one of the very few people who actually got my sarcasm. I should hold a sarcasm sign over this post :P
      I agree with you, I'd rather do things my way than this way. It's much more fun when you have an actual community around you that loves your posts even when they're not that great :)

      Delete
  8. illicit auroraJune 16, 2015 at 7:42 PM

    This made me laugh, because things like this have frustrated me so much in the past! What's most annoying is when people do the follow-for-follow thing, and I don't follow them back (probably because they have a make-up blog which I find a bit boring) and then they unfollow me after a few days because they didn't get a follow :) So it's clearly not about good content, but more about just viewcount etc. I could never work out why there were no teenage bloggers who blogged about random, stupid stuff like me rather than just make up and fashion, but then I joined TBC and found a load of them! I don't understand how some blogs (like this one) are highly entertaining and well thought out, but have relatively little 'fame', while other blogs with flippin' feet pictures everywhere and 'OMG I love Rimmel eyeliner' (I just made that up I know nothing about eyeliner) get thousands of followers. It is a mystery. I think, like you say, to become internet famous you have to purposely cultivate a fanbase, and if you're clever about it then it doesn't really matter what your blog is like! Again, very funny post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyJune 22, 2015 at 10:36 AM

      Thank you!
      I hate those people who unfollow just because you didn't follow back. I'm always very happy when someone follows me and then they unfollow and it feels like a smack in the face, even though I know they only followed me so I'd follow back.
      I remember the days before TBC got big, it was so hard to find any blogs that weren't about eyeliner (of which I don't know anything either :P). I think you're right about cultivating a fanbase, but I don't think I'd be good at that. I'm one of the bloggers who appreciates two sincere comments more than tons of comments that just say 'lovely'.
      I loved your comment, it made me laugh :)

      Delete

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