Nightmares on Lavender Street

by - 7:14 PM

'Envy, you've got to see this. It's awesome.'
My friend turns the computer screen my way. There's a series of pictures on it. Three dudes are cosplaying, doing famous scenes from Harry Potter and Disney movies. 'We should do this some time too.'
'This is great,' I tell my friend. She smiles as I scroll down. There are loads of awesome pictures, but then I notice a picture in which two of the guys are sitting on a bed. The third guy has caught my eye. He's slumped on the floor, his right arm chopped off, his face bloody, eyes and mouth stitched shut.
'Is that supposed to be part of the series?' I ask my friend.
'Yes,' she says. 'But that isn't...'
The next picture shows all three guys on the floor, they're all missing limbs now, they're all covered in blood. Eyes stitched shut, but mouths grinning maniacally. They're holding up butcher knives in a crazy and bloody salute.
'This wasn't here when...' My friend doesn't get to finish her sentence. Three dead guys with knives escape the screen and slit our throats
***
Screaming. My own shrill screams wake me up. I turn all the lights on. I'm breathing fast, way too fast. Everything is okay though. It was just a dream, I know it was just a dream... For a few minutes I stare at the ceiling. Then I turn the lights off and go back to sleep.
***
I'm hanging out with a friend and we're laughing about something silly.  It's nice. The weather is great, there's food and we're having fun, but at some point I realize I have to go home. 
I stand up and want to give my friend a hug, but as soon as I touch him, he falls over and suddenly I'm holding his dead body. Then, somehow, I die too.
***
I've been kicking and hitting nothing but thin air in my sleep. My bed sheets are now in a heap on the floor. Lights on. Am I dead? Is my friend dead? I want to text him and ask if he's okay, but it's the middle of the night and I seem to be alive, so he must be okay too, right?
I take a few shaky breaths. I really don't want to go back to sleep. What if this dream means something? What if my friend really dies if I ever touch him? I'm not thinking straight and my eyes are burning. Reluctantly I close them and try to sleep. This time I leave the lights on.
***
I'm bleeding. Not severly, but I've been bleeding for days now. It just doesn't stop.
A woman looks at her computer. 'We can't help you. No surgery, no medication, nothin.'
I put my hand on my lower abdomen as I realize what this means. I'll bleed to death because of some malevolent thing growing inside me, destroying my body from the inside.
***
The lights are still on. It's 5am. For a second I want to scream and cry, but then sleep drags me back to the scary world of my nightmares.

Source
I don't know where they came from. One day, or maybe I should say night, they were there. Nightmares. Tons of them. They started as the usual nightmares I'd had all my life: sharks attacking me, my own version of a Courage the Cowardly Dog episode, stuff like that.
A few weeks before the summer vacation started, my nightmares got worse. I started having multiple nightmares every night. I didn't know what to do. I just accepted it and tried to live with constant sleep deprivation, which wasn't that much different than usual because of my sleep disorder.
Summer vacation came around. It seemed like I left my nightmares behind as soon as I crossed the border into Germany. I didn't have a single nightmare in all the four weeks of my vaction, but as soon as I was back in my bed in my house on Lavender Street, the nightmares came back.
A friend of mine read that I should drink apple juice before I go to sleep. It should keep the nightmares away. I tried it for a while and it seemed to work, but after a month I couldn't drink another glass of apple juice without wanting to throw up...

I am exhausted. I had a huge fight with a friend today, college is one weird mess and I can't handle all that without sleeping at least eight hours a night. Right now I'm sleeping six hours a night, interrupted by sometimes as much as four nightmares. I can't blog, go to college and have a social life all at the same time when I walk around like a zombie. 
It's not just exhausting, it's also frustrating. I love a good horror story every now and then, but this is too much. Until a few nights ago I had no idea how to handle all the crazy stuff I went through in my dreams. Some nights I'd sit in my bed, on the verge of tears, because I didn't want to go to sleep and have nightmares again. 
After so many weeks, I did find a way to handle everything without drinking gallons of apple juice. Every night, before I go to sleep, I rewrite last night's nightmares.

'Envy, you've got to see this. It's awesome.'
My friend turns the computer screen my way. There's a series of pictures on it. Three dudes are cosplaying, doing famous scenes from Harry Potter and Disney movies. 'We should do this some time too.'
'This is great,' I tell my friend. She smiles as I scroll down. 
'How about we do some of The Walking Dead?'
My jaw drops at the awesomeness of that idea. 'I am so in!'
***
I'm hanging out with a friend and we're laughing about something silly.  It's nice. The weather is great, there's food and we're having fun, but at some point I realize I have to go home. 
I stand up and hug my friend. Then he walks off. He turns around as he's about to go up in the crowd and waves. 'See you soon?'
'See you soon!'
***
I'm older, maybe thirty, and I've lost some blood. I squeeze my husband's hand as the doctor looks at her computer. She nods to herself, then turns to me.
'It's nothing to worry about, but came back as soon as the bleeding gets worse.'
A sigh of relief escapes my lips. Everything is okay, I think as I put my hand on my belly. Nothing is wrong with the little baby of my dreams.

Sometimes it's easy to rewrite my dreams. Sometimes they're a little far-fetched, like the last one. But for some reason, it helps. The few nightmares I've had since I started doing this aren't half as bad as the ones I used to have. And if they do get worse, I'll rewrite them again and drink some apple juice again.

Stay Awesome!

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2 Fellow Ramblers

  1. Ack! Nightmares are the worst. I hope things get better for you, though!

    xoxo Morning

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I hope so too. I'm getting sick and tired of sleeping like this...

      Delete

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