As I'm writing this, I've been on this planet for 19 years, six months and 28 days. I've been to Australia, Peru, the States and most of Europe. I've been through high school. I've been bullied, ignored and laughed at. I've been happy and excited. I've been nervous for my driving exam, overjoyed when I won races, I've been amazed and amused by the awesome things in this world. I've been a lot of things, but there's one thing I still haven't been: I've never been kissed.

When I was 17, I wasn't bothered by the fact that I'd never been kissed. I'd more important things to focus on, like graduating high school. When I was 18, I still had more important things to do, like surviving my first year of college. But doubts began to riddle me. At 19, having a boyfriend still isn't one of my highest priorities. I want to graduate college in 2018, travel the world in the years to come, grow my blog and learn how to make cool videos. But at the same time I do think that there's something horribly wrong with me.
I know people my age who haven't been kissed yet because they've never liked anyone enough to kiss them. I wish I was one of them, but no. I've liked two guys enough to kiss them, but they changed their minds about me before we could ever get to that point. Now once, okay, possible. Twice, that can't be a coincidence. Add Valentine's Day to that train of thought and you'll understand why I'm sad while I'm writing this.

It gets me down sometimes. I barely have any self esteem, so of course I blame this situation on myself. Sometimes I think it's because I'm not pretty enough. Sometimes I think it's because I have an annoying personality. Most of the time I just think I'm a bad person and don't deserve to be in a relationship. It's a negative spiral and I can't stop myself from thinking that way. After all, if I were a cute, awesome girl, I would've been kissed a long time ago, wouldn't I?

Now there's a friend of mine who will explode with anger when he reads this. He told me I'm awesome and I shouldn't think too much. At first I just wanted to laugh at him. I have trouble believing those words if they come from a guy who wouldn't date me even if he could save the world from total destruction by doing so. But then I realized he had some strong arguments. I could keep bringing myself down by thinking this way, or just do more things that make me happy. If I do that, all the rest might come eventually too.

After two hours of thinking about stupid reasons why no guy could ever like me, I'm ready to let that drama go. Okay, I'll probably be alone for the years to come. The only bad part about that is that I can't become a crazy cat lady, because I'm allergic to cats.
Apart from that, I don't see any reason to be sad about my situation anymore. I can travel the world on my own. I can live on my own (as soon as I figure out how a washing machine works), I don't really need anyone. And all the love I have to give, that no one wants to have? I'll put it in my work, in my writing, in my blog and in my videos. Valentine's Day? I'll spend it like this.

It's not that bad to be nineteen and never been kissed. As long as you don't blame it all on yourself.

Stay Awesome!