Fifty Shades of You Don't Understand

by - 5:36 PM

Either you've lived under a rock for the past three years, or you've heard of Fifty Shades of Grey. With every female on the planet freaking out about it, you're bound to have a conversation about it some time. Even though the movie was realeased just a month ago, I started suffering in November. Some girls in my class were already trying to get tickets for the movie. They were all fangirling, until I said: 'I don't like the books.'
The conversation ended abruptly. After a short silence, one of the girls asked: 'How can you not like Fifty Shades of Grey?!'
'It just wasn't my cup of tea.'
'Did you even read it?!'
'I did.' I wasn't lying. I read bad books so I can give my opinion along with some strong arguments to support it. 'I think it was badly written, the plot was barely worthy of the title 'plot' and the characters were a bit two-dimensional.'
Silence again. Then: 'Maybe you just don't understand it, because you've never been all the way with a guy.'
Excuse me? So my virginity somehow influences my ability to recognize a bad book when I see one? I don't think so. I'm a virgin, I don't mind being a virgin and I don't think it makes a difference when it comes to my taste in books. Even with my virginity intact I can tell you why I hat this book with a passion.

'Oh my. Oh my. Holy crap. Holy cow. Oh my. Holy shit.'
I don't hate characters with a catch phrase. But what Ana has isn't a catch phrase, it's an abundance of random swear words and 'oh my'. Every paragraph seemed to start with 'oh my' at some point. No one talks like that. Ana's use of 'oh my' and 'holy [enter random word]' irritated me beyond measure. I've never seen a fictional character speak so unrealistically. That's just a sign of bad writing. Oh wait, no, that's not true! I just don't understand this literary style that's obviously destined for greatness, because I'm a virgin!

"It's such a beautiful love story"
One of the arguments I hear all the time: 'It's a beautiful story, they both discover a whole new world because of their relationship.'
Are we talking about the same book right now? Because that's not what I read. Even Twilight was a better love story, since Edward didn't abuse Bella! And don't tell me it's not abuse there in that creepy SM dungeon. Even Ana has doubts about wanting to do that stuff. If you're not 100% sure about wanting to get hurt, it's abuse in my book. Besides, Christian may be fond of Ana, but it's not like she's turned him into a better person. Nor does Christian make Ana a better person. They're both exactly the same at the end of the book as the were at the start (minus Ana's virginity). And no, I don't think this story is about how far you'll go for someone you love. I think it's more about Ana being afraid to lose the first man she slept with. But wait, no, I can't say that! I can't know anything about being afraid os losing someone, because I'm a virgin!

"Ana is such a strong character!"

If Ana is strong, then I'll be able to beat the Hulk at armwrestling. Seriously though, it was anice try to have Ana be independent and with a college degree. But the minute she met Christian it all went down the drain. Some people say she's highly intelligent, but I think love made her blind and destroyed her brain cells. And does she do anything, anything at all in that entire book besides saying 'oh my' a thousand times? If that's your definition of 'strong', I recommend you buy a new dictionary.
Oh wait, no, I can't say that! Of course I don't know anything about becoming an independent, strong woman, because I am a virgin!

So you see, even a virgin can find fault with this book. Do me a favor and don't tell me I don't understand. Me and my virginity will get revenge!

Stay Awesome!

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20 Fellow Ramblers

  1. cMarch 16, 2015 at 6:09 PM

    I haven't read these books, but to me Ana seems like a typically nauseating/limp 1950s heroine who has so little personality that anyone can project themselves onto her.. I think it's sad that the most popular "love story" right now isn't even love, it's a very simple woman who had the choice to be independent and strong being taken advantage of. What's worse, most of my friends (who never talked about sex before and had no "standards" of it) now think this is an acceptable, normal "love story"...

    I don't know if you are a fan of tea but if you are you should look up "50 Shades of Tay", it's a satire video by an Irish comedian about a naive Irish girl who goes to work for an American billionaire - who lures her into the seedy world of non-Irish tea. Chilling stuff.

    Interesting post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyMarch 18, 2015 at 8:50 PM

      I can't say anything else than: YES I AGREE. What bothered me most was, like you said, Ana's chance of becoming independent being destroyed by some creep. I can't believe your friends thing that this is an acceptable and normal love story. Am I the only one who's still dreaming of Prince Charming on his white horse, instead of the business man with his SM dungeon?

      I drink tea all the time, so I'm definitely going to look up 50 shades of tea. It sounds hilarious!
      Thank you for commenting!

      Delete
  2. UnknownMarch 16, 2015 at 6:26 PM

    I don't get it either.This book clearly gives a message that it'll alright to torture women in name of sex given you are rich and have a proper room for it.The characters are so lame like all of them,Mr.Grey..that guy is all kinds of annoying.Ana is worse,I mean how thick headed can someone be.I'm glad the movie tanked.I feel bad for that typical best friend who is in love with main character guy (Photographer), he tried so hard getting out of friendzone.I wonder what's really going on inside people's mind that they like it.I think most of them do because it's the new cool thing..Some people liked it so now everyone has to as well...they're like sheep they follow the herd :P
    That book is a waste of paper I think.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyMarch 18, 2015 at 8:53 PM

      True, true and true.
      While I was struggling through the book, I wished she'd chose the photographer over Grey, but no. The only normal ship in this friendship sunk before it even left the harbour...
      I really don't want to know what's going on inside the minds of the people who like the books. I bet it's dirty, way too dirty for me anyway. I guess it's some kind of peer pressure, like you say.
      I feel so sorry for all the trees that died in the process of printing these books :(

      Delete
  3. UnknownMarch 16, 2015 at 6:34 PM

    This book is horrible, It's just plain abuse. People are saying how romantic grey is but in reality he is a stalker, that likes to beat up and manipulate women.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyMarch 18, 2015 at 8:54 PM

      And still there are people who say he's doing all that out of 'love'. I agree with you though, he's just a creepy, sadistic man who likes to hurt women in every possible way.

      Delete
  4. Rukiya SMarch 16, 2015 at 7:34 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Rukiya SMarch 16, 2015 at 7:46 PM

      After reading your comment Mae, I think the film sounds disgusting.
      A) it's not for my age
      B) it seems boring
      C) who really wants to watch a film thats just about romance that sucks

      Delete
    2. EnvyMarch 18, 2015 at 8:57 PM

      I don't know how old you are, but the movie is defenitely not for all audiences. I'm legally an adult but I feel no desire whatsoever to see this movie. I don't think a romance movie is boring per se, but this one will be as there is no real plot. Waste of time and money, that's what it is.

      Delete
  5. Abigail LennahMarch 17, 2015 at 4:49 AM

    This book is really disgusting. I'm not going to even bother saying why, it's just pure yuck!

    xoxo Morning

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyMarch 20, 2015 at 4:56 PM

      I'll be honest: I've seen horror movies with lots of body parts flying around and that disgusted me less than this book. Totally agree with you.

      Delete
  6. UnknownMarch 17, 2015 at 8:21 AM

    I've heard of it, but I don't think I'll ever read it. Sounds annoying too, hahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  7. a silly girlMarch 17, 2015 at 8:02 PM

    50 Shades of Grey gives a totally wrong picture of sex. It even gives a wrong picture of BDSM. It's sickening really, and it's troublesome that young girls are reading this book - especially if they are virgins. They need to learn what sex really is, not the way it's portrayed in this book. I fear young girls will go out and do something they regret, because they think it's "normal". BDSM requires love, otherwise it will destroy you.
    Thank you for your thoughts on the book.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyMarch 20, 2015 at 5:00 PM

      I am pretty sure that if I'd read the book when it forst came out, I would have sworn to be a virgin for the rest of my life. To be honest, the picture it gives of sex would have scared me a lot back then, so I agree with you that it's not good for young girls to read it.
      I think I'm too cynical and stubborn to believe anything about sex in books like 50 shades of Grey, so I think it hasn't influenced my ideas about sex and virginity at all, but I know lots of girls who would have done things they'd regret if they'd read the book earlier on their lives.
      Thank you for your comment, I enjoyed reading and answering it!

      Delete
  8. Bryleigh McCartyMarch 18, 2015 at 1:05 AM

    Honestly, the books and movie disgust me. It is ABUSE people! I can't even begin to think why anybody would enjoy it and call it romantic. Glad you and your virginity will get revenge! ;P
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EnvyMarch 20, 2015 at 5:04 PM

      So many people would disagree with us about the abuse part... I can't imagine anyone enjoying this either, but people are weird creatures...
      My virginity and I are the best at getting revenge :P

      Delete
  9. UnknownMarch 29, 2015 at 5:43 PM

    I think this post is my favorite one from your blog. I thought I was the only one thinking this, because everyone is so obsessed with it. It's abuse and I see no point in making a movie based on the book, these are definitely not the norms younger girls should learn from.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. EnvyMarch 30, 2015 at 5:28 PM

      Thank you :)
      There are a lot of people thinking this, most of them just don't say it out loud.
      When I wrote this I wasn't worried about girls getting strange ideas from books like these, but I read about it in the paper recently. Making a movie based on this book only makes it worse and apparently very young girls are doing 50shades stuff...

      Delete

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