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When I can't dress up for Halloween because I'm 'too old', I need a hug.
When I miss my PB (that means personal best in this case and not peanut butter) on the track by a hundredth of a second, I need a hug.
When I fail my driving test, I need a hug.
When I think about my own mortality, I need a hug.
When I feel ugly, I need a hug.
And when I say goodbye to a friend, I need a hug too.

Let's face it: we all have those moments when we feel like crap. We all need a hug every now and then. In my case, those hugs never come my way.
I once asked a friend why she would hug our other friend when said friend is feeling blue, but not me when I'm sad. She looked at me with eyes full of suprise and said: 'I thought you hated it when people hugged you!'
I know why she said that, because I've never been the hugging type. I hug my Mom and Dad, but when it comes to friends I like some more space is apropriate. I think it's absolutely unnecessary to yell 'OMG I haven't seen you in ages!' when you see an old friend and then strangle them in your 'hug', while you've seen them last week and you actually don't like them that much. But when you're feeling down, a single hug could cheer you up.
Last week I failed my first test since I started college. I felt like the world was coming to an end. Then one of the girls in my class held my hand in hers and said everything was going to be okay. And because of that one tiny gesture that accompanied her words, I felt so much better. Imagine what a hug would have done.

The only way for a nerdy girl to get a hug?

Sometimes a hug can change our entire perspective. Suddenly we don't feel lonely or hopeless anymore. Suddenly there's someone supporting us, someone caring about us, telling us it'll all be fine, even if we don't see the silver linings yet. One hug can change it all. But one hug is something most people don't often give to others. What do we have to do to get a hug when we need it most? Do we have to ask? Do we have to walk around holding a sign? Should we be the ones to start the hug, even if that means people think we've gone totally bonkers? Do we have to wait and hope someone will notice that we need a hug?

Once upon a time, I would have hidden my need for a hug. But why should I? I'm only human. True, I don't have to hug you every singe time I see you, but when you need a hug I'll be there for you with my arms open. The only thing I want in return? That one hug I need when I'm the one who's sad.

We live in the days of 'sharing is caring'. We live in the days of Facebook likes instead of actual support. We live in the days of world wide RIP tweets when a celebrity dies. But those 1's and 0's of the internet aren't real, not solid.
Tear your gaze away from the screen and take a good look at your friends. Are they really as happy as their tweets, statuses and emoticons make us believe? Or are they hiding their need for a hug?
Take a minute to consider. Take a minute talk. And when they need it most, give them a hug. Even when they're not the cuddly type, even if you've never seen them hug someone. Believe me, a hug will help them just as much as you.
Don't hesitate, just hug.

Stay Awesome!

Another week has gone by already? Suddenly time seems to be flying.
After last week's total breakdown, I tried to get myself together. I picked up the list I made in my first week and did as much if the listed things as possible. Now I've got only two more days to go. I'm going to make it all the way to the end of my Low Battery Challenge.

'So, you're Dutch?'
'Yup, 100% Dutch.'
'Awesome. Nice country. You must have seen it all, right? I mean, it's so small. Been to the Anne Frank House?'
'Ummm... no.'
'The Keukenhof?'
'No.'
'The mills at Kinderdijk?'
'No, I'm sorry.'
'The Euromast then?'
'Nope...'
'Oh. Well then, how about...'
'I'm sorry, but I'm afraid not.'
Ever found yourself in a conversation like that? It seems to be a global phenomenon: we travel the entire world, see the most beautiful parts of every continent, but when it comes to our homecountry, the most interesting thing we've seen is the supermarket. Sad but true. And so not going to happen to me anymore!

From Envy's Make it Happen List
#16: Go to a 'tourist trap' in my own country
Status: Awesomeness Achieved

It's a shame that we often neglect our own country's beauty. So seeing one of those places that all the tourists are raving about became one of my goals. But the Anne Frank House is all the way over in Amsterdam, the Keukenhof is closed this time of the year, the Euromast is close to home but way too expensive for a girl living on student loans. The mills at Kinderdijk are just a few kilometers away and very cheap, but if you've seen one old Dutch mill, you've seen them all. And believe me, I've seen a lot of old Dutch mills in my life.
There wasn't much left. Or so I thought. Because I'd forgotten all about Rotterdam's brand new tourist trap: the Markthal.
And thus I went to the Markthal, which is literally a hall with a market in it. I'm not a big fan of the architecture, it reminds me way too much of one of the monsters from Monsters University. The inside is stunning - if Where's Waldo is one of your favorite books. The entire thing is covered with a mural of everything you can buy on the market from fish to flowers to peppers.
Still I love the Markthal. It's superhot inside, so you don't need to wear a jacket, even when it's midwinter. You can buy every kind of food you can imagine. There's an Asian supermarket and a foodstand that sells Australian barramundi! There are miniature donuts and cupcales. There's ice cream and delicious Japanese food... It's heaven for food lovers. If you're ever in Rotterdam, go to the Markthal.
The place was crowded with tourists from all over the world and there are tons of cute little stands to check out. A few of them even have a terrace on top, so you can take a better look at the ceiling and the ginormous crowds.

So I was walking around there with my parents - when they decided they'd seen enough. 'It's a market in a hall, just like in Peru.' And to be honest, that's true, it's like the Peruvian market with tastier food and less organs from animals for sale. It's not that special. Nevertheless, it's an awesome place. Maybe I'll go back and do some Markthal food reviews soon!

Stay Awesome!

Jenna from Sparkly Kid has awarded me! For the first time in my blogging career, I received the One Lovely Blog Award. Thank you Jenna for this amazing award!

The Rules Of This Award:

Seven facts about me:

1. Once upon a time I vowed that I'd never have a Twitter account. And now I'm seriously thinking of breaking that vow...
2. I've recently learned how to make the ultimate Caesar Salad
3. I'm taking a Chinese course at college, starting next month
4. I'm saving money so I can buy a ticket to the States and make some things from my List happen
5. I've found the most amazing little shop in the Koopgoot in Rotterdam, can't wait to go Christmas shopping there!

   Sorry for mentioning Christmas already!

6. I need to buy a new camera, it's been slowly dying since my Dad dropped it on the Inka Trail
7. In conlcusion to that and #4, I desperately need a job -.-"

Okay so now I have to nominate 15 bloggers. Which is an awful lot. I don't even follow that many active bloggers, I'm afraid... Is five okay too?

• Riley from Smiles No Matter
• Youngjoo from Lost in Wonderland
• Kathie from A Sea Change
• Morning Kay from Good Morning, Morning!
• A Girl without a Name from Sunsets and Sundays

Stay awesome!

Some mornings... Actually most mornings... I wake up (*gasp* what a surprise!), put some almost decent and clean clothes on (college is hell for your wardrobe), scurry down the stairs, force myself to eat some breakfast and then, before I almost fall asleep again, I turn on my laptop.
Every normal college student who doesn't blog checks their mail and Facebook first. Not me. I head straight to Blogger dashboard to stare at that same old lousy number: 34. 'Still 34,' a voice inside my head says, 'and that's not going to change soon, because your blog sucks.' I hate to admit it, but I actually listen to that voice. Even when there are so many awesome things about having a teeny tiny blog and being an unknown blogger. What's more, there are tons of small blogs like mine out there! We should appreciate the perks of being an unknown blogger! So to celebrate my unknownness, here's a list of my favorite advantages of having a small scale blog.

#1: Answering your comments - all of them
You won't believe how many big and beautiful blogs I've seen. The posts are great and thought-provoking and you're just dying to comment on them. So you do and if you are a little bit like me, you look forward to seeing an answer. But the answer never comes. The blogger is busy having a big blog and doesn't have time anymore to asnwer all their comments.
That's something that will never happen to be. I answer each and everyone of my comments. My blog is low maintenance, I have lots of time to answer comments.

#2: Volunteering
If you have enough time to answer your own comments and leave some kind comments on other blogs and still have some time left, you can volunteer. No chance of doing this when your blog gets too big, but at this moment my blog is small and I can volunteer at Teenage Blogger Central. Writing posts and commenting for something that's bigger than you is the most fulfilling thing I've experienced in quite a while :)

#3: That one follower
As an unknown blogger who answers all her comments, I get to know my regular commenters pretty well. There aren't a whole lot of regular commenters on my blog, but at some point someone started following me actively and that was the best feeling in the world. I think Catalina is my most active follower and if my blog had been bigger, I never would have been able to have the online friendship with her that I have now. She makes my day time after time by simply being there. That's the effect that kind comments every now and then can have on unknown bloggers andit's awesome :)

#4: Down the drain with that schedule!
At some point in time you may have had a blogging schedule. Big blogs with a 'weekly menu' definitely have a schedule, but even a blog as small as mine has a schedule. But when a big blog ingores the schedule, an angry mob of followers will go on a digital man hunt and demand answers: why didn't you post your rants on time?!
I will never have that problem with 34 followers. No one will be mad if I do Picture Perfect Memories two days earlier than usual (I hope) and I can post whenever and wherever I want, no one will have a panic attack when I don't post for a week XD.

#5: Someone new stalking you
But the absolute best part of having a blog as small as mine is going to Blogger dashboard and seeing your number of followers has gone up. Nothing can make me as happy as a new follower. I honestly walk around with a grin on my face for a week. I do a little victory dance, have a celebratory cup cake and work on my next posts with twice as much enthousiasm as before.

Even though I like having a lot of time for my followers, even though I love the freedom of posting whenever I feel like it, even though I enjoy the feeling I get when I see that someone new is following me, I still dream of having a big blog one day. But blogging isn't about the number of followers or the amount of pageviews. Blogging is about spreading and sharing awesomeness.
So always remember: Stay awesome to all your friends and followers, no matter how big your blog is! And if your blog is not big: Stay awesome too, because the world needs your awesomeness!

Some time ago, okay maybe quite a long time ago, I was tagged by MorningTime4 from The Ups and Downs of My Not-So-Average Life for the Twenty Things You Might Not Know About Me Blog Tag. I owe how a great big THANK YOU, not only for tagging me, but also for the amazing job she did on redesigning my blog!

Da Rules:
1. Copy and paste the questions below, answer them in a blog post. If you like to to a vlog version: go ahead!
2. Tag anywhere from 2-10 bloggers at the end of your post.
3. Use the title: 20 things you might not know about me blog tag. (Yes, I cheated on that one, but my God, it's such a mouth ful!)
4. Use the hashtag #20thingsblogtag when sharing on social media.


1. How tall are you?
Last time I answered this question I was 1.68m. When I saw this question was also part of the Twenty Things Tag, I ran to the wall where my Mom used to measure me and measured myself. I should've known better: I'm 18 and 1.68m is the tallest I'll ever be without creepy plastic surgery.

2. Do you have a hidden talent? If so, what?
A lot of people don't know that I have some decent crafting skills. Every year around Christmas I make tiny snowmen to put in the Christmas tree. I also make stars, sheeps, reindeer and penguins. I barely do any crafting for therest of the year, except for knotting lots and lots of friendship bracelets.

3. What's your biggest blog-related pet peeve?
I've got so many. Considering all my blogging pet peeves, it's a miracle I'm still blogging XD
One of my pet peeves is seeing that someone is following each and every one of my blogging besties, but not me. It makes me insecure and I'll be like: Am I not good enough for you? :(

4. What's your biggest non-blog-related pet peeve?
People who think their bag is a person with characteristics, needs, hopes and dreams too, in so far that they think their bag is more worthy of the last empty seat in a crowded bus than you.

5. What's your favorite song?
At the moment it's Cassy O' by George Ezra. I listened to it in Peru and it's been one of my favorites ever since. Great song to sing/scream when you're frustrated. Go ahead and sing along!

6. What's your favorite Etsy shop that isn't yours?
I'm not on Etsy and I don't visit the site anymore either. Sorry...

7. What's your favorite way to spend your free time when you're alone?
I spend most of my me-time dreaming! That can be literally dreaming, like when I'm asleep, but also the kind of dreaming you do when you're writing fiction or reading a book. As long as the activity takes your mind to a different place, I call it dreaming (unless the activity involves drugs or alcohol, in which case you're just being stupid).

8. What's your favorite fast food?
The Chili Chicken Burgers from McDonald's. They're so good, you could wake me up in the middle of the night for one of those.

9. Do you have any pets? If so, what kind and what are their names?
Nope. My Dad is allergic to everything with hair or feathers. But if I ever get a hamster, I'm gonna call him Hammibal.

10. What are your number one favorite fiction and non-fiction books?
Favorite fiction is the Hunger Games, no doubt about it. I love those books for the critic view on society. I've been a devoted fan since 2009, way before the mass hysterics broke loose (excuse my inner hipster for breaking free for a moment).
I don't have a favorite non-fiction. I just don't like non-fiction and I'm not gonna say something like 'but this is the one I hate the least', that's just stupid.

11. What's your favorite beauty product?
Ha! Have you ever seen my face? That thing doesn't do beauty! Even make-up can't save it! But I've got one single lipstick which I love.

12. When were you last embarrased? What happened?
I was at a party. I was really nervous, because I barely knew anyone except an old high school friend. He asked me if I was nervous. 'Yeah, how do you know?' I asked.
'Oh, you've got sweaty stains under your armpits.'
Well, thank you. Now I'm much more comfortable and ready to party...

13. If you could only drink one beverage (besides water) for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Hot chocolate. I drink it all year round, even when it's 30 degrees Celsius outside.

14. What's your favorite movie?
Right now it's Guardians of the Galaxy. I love the terrible, totally not sci-fi-like music, I love the bad jokes and tiny Groot is just too cute.
By the way, 'Groot' is Dutch for 'big' or 'tall'. We only pronounce it differently. Awesome, right?

15. What were you in high school: prom queen, nerd, cheerleader, jock, valedictorian, band geek, loner, artist, prep?
Definitely a nerd. Later on I became more of a hipster hermit who had as little contact with her classmates as possible.

16. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
San Francisco, without a doubt. I practically grew up in the Bay Area, I spent almost all my childhood summers there. If I ever become a super succesful writer I'm going to buy myself a house there.

17. PC or Mac?
PC, because Apple products and I have a mutual feeling of intense dislike toward eachother. I once used my friends Maurits' Mac and I was constantly panicking because it did things I didn't want it to do. I also almost broke my Granddad's iPhone (actually it was my Granddad's fault the thing was dying, but then he gave it to me so I could 'fix' it) and almost dropped E.'s iPad multiple times.

18. Last romantic gesture from a crush, date boy/girlfriend, spouse?
Well, once upon a time I went on a sorta kinda date and the guy held a door open for me... That's about as romantic as it'll ever get in my life. The date didn't work out and all the other guys in the known universe are like Apple products: they don't like me.

19. Favorite celebrity?
Do athletes count? I'm not really interested in actors or singers, but I do have the worst celebrity crush ever on British sprinter Adam Gemili (don't ask me why, just don't).

20. What blogger do you secretly wanted to be best friends with?
Secretly? The whole world may know that I'd like to be best friends with Catalina, F and Riley, but I consider all my followers who comment every now and then as friends.

Now on to the tagging!
I tag Fionnula, who recently started following me on Bloglovin' and she's the only person who follows me only on Bloglovin' who actually leaves comments on my posts! Thank you for being awesome!
I also tag Ruya Preetika, who didn't post for a while on her blog Waking Moments, but she's back now and that makes me so happy!
Have fun answering these questions and stay awesome!

Life is a weird roller coaster full of craziness, I think we all agree to that. The silliest little things can change everything and our friends can make our lives revolve around the most ridiculous things.
I, for one, am still called 'the drowning otter' because of a little accident I had over two years ago. I'm also greeted with a simple 'HODOR' and my oldest friends know me as the half-American. After that, I thought I'd be prepared for whatever kinds of craziness college would throw at me.
Fandoms, travelling and writing had been the centre of my world, piece of cake to handle. But then something unexpected happened, something I didn't know how to handle, and I suddenly found myself in a situation where my whole life revolved around... a revolving door.

Not if your name is Envy...

As soon as I left the place, I started wondering what it would've been like if we'd been kinder ot eachother. I wrote my Make it Happen list with this in mind, I wanted to do something for someone else just because I could. I started out with small things. I helped people find their way, held doors open, you know the stuff. Tiny gestures of kindness. But then I got the chance to do something big.

From Envy's Make it Happen List
#12: Lend a stranger a helping hand whenever you can
Status: Awesomeness Achieved

Right after I graduated, I did some volunteering at a local vegetable garden, right next to a retirement home. The people who lived there reminded me of my own Grandma, who never fully recovered after spending some time in hospital at the beginning of this year. My Grandma doesn't go out anymore, not even to do some groceries. But when my Granddad drags her to the park, she enjoys every second of it. The same seemed to be true for the elderly people in the retirement home.
That made me think: what if I could do something to encourage the people from the retirement home to come out more often? 
I did some research, asked people here and there for advice and found out about a Dutch organisation called 'Ik ben geweldig'. The words 'Ik ben geweldig' are Dutch for 'I am awesome'. The main goal of this organisation is to encourage Dutch people under 24 to do something good for someone else. You have to fill in a form, explain your idea and if they like it, they fund your project up till €1000. So if you're Dutch and you've got a great idea, get your lazy ass moving and head to their website by clicking this link!

I doubted a lot about actually applying for this charity money. In the end, I just did it, because time was running out. I wanted to organize a high tea for the old people right next to their retirement home, in the vegetable garden, but doing that in October is not a good idea. I also wanted to plant a lot of flower bulbs, so the old people would be reminded of the high tea every time they look out of their window next Spring.
So I filled in the forms, had conversations over the phone and organized the whole thins within weeks. I didn't do everything all by myself though. My friend Rosanne helped by designing flyers and a social worker named Ellen gave me advice on how to do certain things and which things I could delegate, since I was also starting college around the same time.
A woman who also volunteers at the vegetable garden. gave me advice on what flowersto buy. At certain moments I was desperate, frustrated and scared, but it was amazing to see it all come together on September 19th.

Giving instructions to volunteers

Old people can be awesome too! You wouldn't believe how amazing one of these men at the table was at playing the harmonica!

Oldies chilling out in the front, me freaking out in the back (stress!)

It was good to be able to do so much for these people. A lot of people asked me if I wanted to volunteer more often. I declined. Over the past few months I've lend a lot of strangers a helping hand: the elderly people from the retirement home, Belgian tourist who were lost in Rotterdam and handicapped people who had trouble getting in and out of stores. Now I need to focus on college. The only place I'll be volunteering is Teenage Blogger Central, but whenever I see someone struggling, I'll gladly help them out. After doing this, I felt like I could say I've made another thing from my list happen, but I'll never be truly done with this one. The world needs more kindness and this is my way of trying to achieve that.

Stay awesome, guys!

What's life like when you're in college? Until a month ago, I had no idea. I wasn't looking forward to finding out either. I had to force myself to get on the bus the very first day. And when I arrived in Rotterdam, I panicked: college life was not going to be the way I'd imagined.

On my very first day I was squashed into a church with about 500 other college freshmen. It would be an understatement to say that it was uncomfortable. We listened to speeches, speeches and more speeches. When it was over, the uncomfotableness continued, but with less people around.
First week was dedicated to introducing ourselves to our classmates. So we had to do teambuilding activities in a park. And that's when It started to go wrong for me. First of all: I was a little spastic. Second: I called a guy 'Orkaan' (Dutch for hurricane) while his name is 'Borkán'. I was totally convinced the guy had sadistic parents who'd called their kid Hurricane, but no... Socially awkward Envy didn't score much points with her classmates that day.
As the week progressed I got to know my classmates better. I talked to everyone and tried to make new friends. Soon an aura of awesomeness started to surround us during our Rotterdam Tour.

Awesome, right?

Now, three weeks later, I've found my place in the class, which is basically just one big group of make-believe Germans. Wait, I haven't explained the German thing yet, have I?