Nineteen & Never Been Kissed

by - 7:36 PM

As I'm writing this, I've been on this planet for 19 years, six months and 28 days. I've been to Australia, Peru, the States and most of Europe. I've been through high school. I've been bullied, ignored and laughed at. I've been happy and excited. I've been nervous for my driving exam, overjoyed when I won races, I've been amazed and amused by the awesome things in this world. I've been a lot of things, but there's one thing I still haven't been: I've never been kissed.

When I was 17, I wasn't bothered by the fact that I'd never been kissed. I'd more important things to focus on, like graduating high school. When I was 18, I still had more important things to do, like surviving my first year of college. But doubts began to riddle me. At 19, having a boyfriend still isn't one of my highest priorities. I want to graduate college in 2018, travel the world in the years to come, grow my blog and learn how to make cool videos. But at the same time I do think that there's something horribly wrong with me.
I know people my age who haven't been kissed yet because they've never liked anyone enough to kiss them. I wish I was one of them, but no. I've liked two guys enough to kiss them, but they changed their minds about me before we could ever get to that point. Now once, okay, possible. Twice, that can't be a coincidence. Add Valentine's Day to that train of thought and you'll understand why I'm sad while I'm writing this.

It gets me down sometimes. I barely have any self esteem, so of course I blame this situation on myself. Sometimes I think it's because I'm not pretty enough. Sometimes I think it's because I have an annoying personality. Most of the time I just think I'm a bad person and don't deserve to be in a relationship. It's a negative spiral and I can't stop myself from thinking that way. After all, if I were a cute, awesome girl, I would've been kissed a long time ago, wouldn't I?

Now there's a friend of mine who will explode with anger when he reads this. He told me I'm awesome and I shouldn't think too much. At first I just wanted to laugh at him. I have trouble believing those words if they come from a guy who wouldn't date me even if he could save the world from total destruction by doing so. But then I realized he had some strong arguments. I could keep bringing myself down by thinking this way, or just do more things that make me happy. If I do that, all the rest might come eventually too.

After two hours of thinking about stupid reasons why no guy could ever like me, I'm ready to let that drama go. Okay, I'll probably be alone for the years to come. The only bad part about that is that I can't become a crazy cat lady, because I'm allergic to cats.
Apart from that, I don't see any reason to be sad about my situation anymore. I can travel the world on my own. I can live on my own (as soon as I figure out how a washing machine works), I don't really need anyone. And all the love I have to give, that no one wants to have? I'll put it in my work, in my writing, in my blog and in my videos. Valentine's Day? I'll spend it like this.

It's not that bad to be nineteen and never been kissed. As long as you don't blame it all on yourself.

Stay Awesome!

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6 Fellow Ramblers

  1. hi :) I just found your blog and I must say, I love it! We're a lot a like.

    I'm 19 and have never been kissed either. Ive only ever liked 2 boys really. but only 1 of them whom I might have wanted to at the time. (Although Im glad I didnt.) somedays Im happy and content and other days I just want someone to like me. honestly it varies.

    but I like your point at the end. there's no point in worrying.

    anyhow, thanks for the post <3

    1. No Problem, glad you liked it :) It's nice to hear I'm not the only one.
      At this moment in time I really wish someone would like me, but as long as no one does I guess I'll just have to learn to like myself :)

  2. Hey hey! Guess what... I'm nineteen and I've never been kissed either!! Haha!

    And honestly, I'm very confused and annoyed with myself and how I feel about this. Some days, I want to be the irresistible, gorgeous girl that all the boys would die to just talk to; other days, I'm like, "boys are gross, ew no..." But, as you said, just as long as you don't dwell on this and don't cry into your pillow every night about this, it's okay!

    There are times when I sit down and really wonder, "am I good enough to be in a relationship? DO I want to be in one?" The answers to these questions change every few days, so that's not very helpful... I've learnt to let go and mind my own business until something amazing happens... Haha!

    Great post. :)


    1. We could start a Never Been Kissed CLub with Faith, haha!
      There's probably nothing wrong with girls like us, we're just not easy to get and I think that's what's holding a lot of guys back.
      I ask myself the same questions, but for me the answers are always the same. I just need to stop thinking about myself as a worthless pile of nothingness :P

  3. Oh you really are not the only one. I am glad that you know the true value of yourself. I love how you expressed yourself so well. This is a nice post :)

    1. Thank you! Apparently I'm not the only one, but I didn't expect multiple bloggers to be in the same situation as me :P


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