How to Deal With A Breakup
January 2017 started with me feeling very bad about this year. Things just didn't feel right. I just knew something big and bad was going to happen. It didn't take long for me to discover what this big and bad thing was: my boyfriend and I decided to break up. It hurt like hell. We didn't break up because of feelings, but because of mental health issues messing with us both. So there I was, completely heartbroken and clueless as to how to handle it. Sure, I asked my mom, but soon realized her advice was completely useless. She married her first boyfriend (yeah, 'awww' and all that sappy shit) and never experienced the heartache I was going through. I had to find my own way, which wasn't easy... Eventually though I found a way to get through this. And since I don't want anyone to feel as clueless as I did right after a breakup, I decided to share my fool-proof method of getting straight through the heartache and pain!
WARNING: this method has only been tested on a single Envy. Unknown side effects may occur. In case of deterring situation, read blog posts by people who blog about serious stuff like this instead of comic books and graffiti.
Step 1: Tell everyone and anyone about it
Step 2: Listen to German music on repeat
In between telling people my sad sad story I had to distract myself with music. I've always listened to music all the time, but as soon as I'd hear a voice singing a single word in English I'd be bawling my eyes out. So on a whim I pulled up my old German playlist on Spotify and started listening to Max Giesinger. Honestly, if you wanna try German music, start with this guy. He has some great lyrics suitable for a breakup, like: 'Maybe in the next lifetime, if we meet again, I won't let you go again, and what I wouldn't give for that...' Pretty much the melancholy you'd find in a lot of English breakup songs, but in German this one line made me feel strong and hopeful instead of sad and useless. It was progress.
Step 3: Watch a Bollywood movie
Now there's something oddly satisfying about watching Bollywood movies. Especially Shah Rukh Khan movies. There's something about his face I can't quite put my finger on. I always spend at least 75% of the movie wondering if I think he's attractive or the complete opposite of that. There is literally not a single brain cell left to overthink things when I'm trying to figure out if SRK reminds me of a caveman or not at all. So whenever my mind was about to go crazy over missing a certain guy, I'd watch some SRK clips and get so distracted by the man's face that I forgot my ex existed.
Step 4: Drown yourself in fiction
In the four weeks after my breakup I read more books than in the four months prior to it. It makes sense, doesn't it? Reading is the perfect form of escapism for any occasion, so reading is what I did. Fangirl, Eleanor and Park, Harry Potter, The Hunger Games. All my favorites were reread. Were music and movies a drug to hide the pain, then books were the stitches that closed the wound. Okay some books (I'm looking at you, Eleanor and Park) tore the wound open a little further, but in the end fiction was what really started the healing process.
Step 5: And when you're ready, write the shit out of it
After a while I noticed that I didn't need as much distraction anymore. I only spoke about my ex with a few very close friends. Then I switched my music back to English. All along I'd been planning to write about this break up. After all, oversharing my personal life is how I got into blogging quite a few years ago. But up until April, I couldn't put pen to paper. Simply writing his name felt wrong already. Still I knew that one day I needed an outlet, and my blog has always been just that. First I kept to paper. I wrote my ex a letter, tore it up and burned it. I stuck the remains in my art journal.
It somehow set me free to write more. I opened Blogger and typed post after post. I poured all my feelings, the good and the bad, into those posts. I published none of them. They were never meant to be published and I'm glad I stuck to that decision. Now, more than three months after the break up, I'm still writing about it. This time in a constructive way, which will hopefully help someone, somewhere, some day.
Five steps and many hours of crying later I think I can say I've dealt pretty well with my breakup. There haven't been any drunk 'please take me back' calls (yet) and the last time I cried because of this guy was back in March. Sometimes I think about getting into a relationship again, but then I just end up laughing at the idea. I'm not in the right place for another relationship and more heartache. To be honest, I really don't want to live through this again, but I probably will at some point in my life. In case that happens and I'm too busy wallowing in self pity, shove this post in my face. On behalf of future heartbroken Envy: thank you!
x Envy
33 Fellow Ramblers
Bollywood movies are always a great way to deal with a break up. After one of the breakups I watched all romcoms in English available on youtube. Nothing better than a finding a romcom with Lucy Lou wuth a pug! Iga www.igaberry.com
ReplyDeleteBollywood movies are so weird to me that I can't help but smile when I watch one of them. I didn't try English romcoms, but I think I'll end up trying next time I get my heart broken
DeleteI absolutely LOVE this, I'm all too familiar with it which is a good thing yet bad thing?
ReplyDeleteIt's funny that you mentioned listening to German music. I also had that problem, every song would remind me of him and I'd cry - so I started listening to classical music. HAHA it's actually helped broaden my scope of music selections.
I'm glad you're able to write about it now and you've come so far! Continue to be proud of that... on to bigger and better things!
♡ Christine Anne
A Blueberry Girl
Thank you! I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing though!
DeleteIt's weird how our needs change in terms of music when we're going through a breakup. I had a time when I wasn't going through an official breakup but it was close enough and I too went for classical music or at least instrumental. I wonder what'll happen next time, hahaha.
It took so long for me to be able to write about this, but now I know it was still a little early. I'm having a bit of a relapse now, but I'll be fine soon!
Hi, I've yet to watch a Bollywood movie. I do like a good movie when I need cheering up though, Chloe #TeacupClub
ReplyDeleteYour first Bollywood movie is going to be so much fun. It'll be weird and wonderful at the same time!
DeleteI'm sure this post is going to help so many people. I wish I had, had this to read when I last went through a break up. I found out over twitter that he was seeing someone else and it destroyed me. 💖
ReplyDeleteI sure hope it does help a few people. And pardon my French, but your ex is an absolute asshole. You deserve so much better!
DeleteI'm glad you've pulled through, Envy! I remember seeing you tweet about it and hurting for you. I was devastated after my first break up. It was a terrible relationship, but we talked about getting married and all that garbage. It's painful to lose someone so close to you. I'm happy you've reached some peace with what occurred and are charging forward with life! xx
ReplyDeleteBreanna Catharina
toocuteforlife.com
I was such a mess when I sent those first tweets out. I was so glad I had you and #TeacupClub around at the time! You saved me from texting stupid stuff at least once a week.
DeleteFirst break ups are terrible. It was my first serious one as well, even the situation is similar. I hope you meet someone completely awesome real soon, you definitely deserve that!
So sorry that you had to go through a breakup. They really are so sucky! I definitely think talking about it helps, bottling it all up means you over analyse the whole situation! Glad you're feeling much more positive!
ReplyDeletePaleGirlRambling xo
In the end I think it'll be for the better, though I don't know what'd happen if we'd run into each other two or three years from now. After all I've been through since January I do feel much more positive today :)
DeleteEnvy, thank you the tackling a really difficult topic with your usual style, uniqueness, and class! I'm so sorry that you had such a bad period with your mental health, and that this culminated in breaking up with your boyfriend. I can empathise with this pain entirely, as I've been through something very similar myself. However, I totally admire the way in which you have dealt with the situation, not bottling up your feelings but talking about it and ploughing yourself into the things that you love and that make you happy. Props to you, girl!
ReplyDeleteAbbey 😍 www.abbeylouisarose.co.uk
Thank you Abbey! I still get so frustrated over this breakup every now and then, just because it was all due to distance and mental health. It could've been so much better, but sadly we gave up. I'm so sorry that you had to go through something similar.
DeleteI'm not sure the people around me admired the way I dealt with the situation, I talked their ears off, hahaha. But I think I wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't :)
This is such a good post! So sorry you were really struggling with your mental health, but I'm so glad that you had the courage to share this with us all. Thank you so much for writing, this advice will help so many people xx | Aoife https://allaboutaoifeblog.wordpress.com/
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I was struggling, but so was my ex. It was just unhealthy because we were dragging each other down...
Delete❤️❤️❤️ I'm glad you've been able to recover somewhat from this. Breakups are absolutely devastating and it sounds like you found the best coping mechanisms possible. Much better to go for fiction and telling everyone what's going on than it is to turn to unhealthy habits! Wishing you more peace soon 😘😘😘.
ReplyDeleteI was so afraid I was going to turn to unhealthy habits. When I was rejected in high school by a guy I liked I just stopped eating for two weeks. It was terrible. I'm glad I got through it this time without hurting myself. Peace is still far away, but that's a story for another post :)
DeleteThis is all such good advice, also loved your little disclaimer at the start ;D I'm glad your coping mechanisms have been helping you so far, I just wish you all the best for the rest of this year, just keep blasting the German music <3
ReplyDeletesophieannetaylor.com
Thank you! Disclaimers are important you know :P I've been blasting the music all week, life took a bit of a drastic turn. I really hope the rest of the year will be better now.
DeleteHope you're doing better now - sounds like you've been tough and found things that work for you! I think in general when we face hardships, it's important to keep busy, bottom line!
ReplyDeleteI had a bit of a relapse the other day, but I'm doing okay now. I am still keeping myself busy. If I don't, I'm all over the place again!
DeleteFortunately I've never experienced a breakup (and I never, ever intend to haha!) but your advice will definitely help others. You've got some great tips on how to handle it :) xx
ReplyDeleteI really hope you'll never have to experience this! It's difficult and way too painful. Thanks for commenting :)
DeleteSo sorry you had to go through this, but I'm glad you're starting to do better. I'm totally with you on losing yourself in fiction - that's my go-to when I'm feeling down xx
ReplyDeleteLosing myself in fiction is the thing that kept me sane all throughout my childhood. I'm glad it also works in a breakup situation :)
DeleteYES.
ReplyDeleteThis is perfect, I love how each of your steps are so personal to yourself but also easy to translate into methods that could work for other people. Writing/tearing/burning that letter must have been so cathartic, and it certainly looks dramatic.
I've only really been following you since March and I feel like the tone of your writing has changed slightly, like you're a lot less sad.
Go you!
Thank you!
DeleteIt means so much to me that you feel like I don't sound as sad anymore. I've come quite a long way since then and it hasn't been easy, but I'm really trying to get my positivity back!
This is an amazing post and you've channeled your breakup feelings so well, and this post is so helpful x
ReplyDeleteThank you, thank you and thank you!
DeleteThis post is great, I love your warning 'unknown side effects may occur' and I get what you mean by the whole reading loads and then writing about it. Hope you're okay now!
ReplyDeleteBeth | www.quirksandqueries.com
Thank you! I'm still not 100% okay, but that's mostly because of college and not because of this breakup :)
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