10 Thoughts While Meditating

by - 3:00 PM


I remember pretending to meditate when I was a kid. My friend and I would sit on the floor, then hold a contest: whoever said OOOOOOOOOOOOM the loudest would win. That was until she decided to yell PING, which I thought was so funny that I let her win that round. Of course none of this had anything to do with actual meditation. Yet still I've always believed I'd never meditate in my life because there was no way I could take it seriously. Every time I thought about meditating I ended up giggling at the memory of my friend yelling PING in my face. Not a good premise for meditation, so I never even tried. Until last March.
March was the month I spent every Monday and Tuesday night panicking and crying over internship. The situation was quite unhealthy, but I didn't know what I could do to make myself less panicky. Then Louise from Louise Chatters recommended me the app Calm, which is basically a meditation app. At this point in time I was too stressed to giggle or even smile, so with a serious mindset I started my first ever meditation session... and soon found out that my thoughts go crazy whenever I meditate. It went a little like this.

Guided meditation... No idea what that's supposed to be, but I'll give it a try then
Never heard of this stuff, but maybe it'll help... Okay, so it's a woman telling me what to do and how to do meditate? I think I can live with that. It can't be worse than someone yelling PING at me.

Why do I have to close my eyes when they're already closed?
Wasn't I meant to have my eyes closed from the start? Because that's what I did. Now what? Did I eff up already? Should I keep my eyes closed? Should I open them, then close them again? What do I do? I'm so confused already...

I'm so bad at meditating...
'Let go of all thoughts', seriously? I can't! I have a hyperactive brain, I am always thinking. About anything and everything. Like right now, now I'm thinking about how bad I am at meditating, which is a thought that proves itself by just being there. That's actually some deep shit. Am I supposed to think deep shit right now? The woman from the app doesn't say so. I guess that's a 'no' then...

MEDI MEDI MEDI MEDI MEDI MEDITATE
Those aren't the actual lyrics from that Imagine Dragons song, are they? Wasn't that song about levitating? That'd be so cool. Can't you levitate through meditation? Oh my god, maybe I'm levitating right now!

The muscles in my back are so relaxed and ... *face plant*
Seriously? It's possible to lose all muscle tension in your back and face plant the floor? What nonsense is this? I thought this was supposed to be fun and calming, not painful and frustrating!

I should blog about this
This totally deserves a blog post. '10 Thought While Meditating', even though I have a billion thoughts in reality. Maybe I should censor that post though. The amount of F-bombs I'm dropping now is absurdly high for an activity that should lead to inner peace.

My chin is itching
Oh my god. It's so itchy. I need to scratch it. Now. It's so bad. Am I allowed to move? I think I'm not... But I really really really need to scratch my chin. Could someone scratch my chin for me? Please? Anyone?

I'm so good at meditating!
I swear I haven't had a single thought in like, three minutes! I think. Shit. Now I'm thinking again. Now I can't call myself the queen of meditation anymore....

Is this over yet?
I'm getting so bored. My breathing is so boring. Not thinking is so boring. This was only supposed to be 10 minutes. It feels more like 10 years. Maybe I'll open my eyes in 2027. That would be interesting. Much more interesting than concentrating on my boring breathing.

I made it without yelling OOOOOOM or PING!
I did it! I actually did it! I survived! I meditated without shouting random nonsense! I'm a meditation champion! Go me!

And that's pretty much how every meditation session went. Afterwards I'd immediately fall asleep. Meditation did weird things to me. Notice the past tense? That's because I'm not meditating anymore. Partly because I enjoy having thoughts way too much, partly because life got out of control. But that's another story for another post. For now, let me just end this by saying that meditating actually did get me through one of the most difficult months of my life. Though I do have to admit I would've liked it better if I were allowed to shout OOOOOOOOOM at the end of each session.

x Envy

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19 Fellow Ramblers

  1. I heard something recently that really resonated with me. "A successful meditation session is the one that happened." Great job!

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    1. Oay that actually makes me feel better about my attempts to meditate. Thank you!

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  2. Even though I practice mediation, I relate to this so much! xD Personally, I approach meditation in a different way to the one you experienced. Rather than think "I have to think nothing. I need to push away all thoughts and be a blank slate," I choose to invite my crazy monkey thoughts in. Rather than have them build on me throughout the day, not being addressed or ignored due to stress, my meditation allows me to approach each thought one on one and reflect upon it. That being said, I am not perfect - some sessions, I feel like I'd be better off yelling PING and having a good laugh. ^_^ Thanks for sharing your experience, though. It's good to get other opinions on it!

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    1. Your approach is so interesting! I never saw that as an option, I thought it was obligatory to not have any thoughts. I think your approach would work way better for me (except for when I'm in a blind panic), because I have to admit I quite enjoy the thoughts that come to me while I'm meditating.

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  3. This post is 100% how I feel when I try to meditate, so much so that I'm cracking up at my desk as I read it. I spend most of it trying to figure out how it's possible to clear your mind, and the rest thinking 'yay, I did it...oh crap.'

    xx
    Emily

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    1. Hahaha, love to hear that! It's just so weird that you're suddenly supposed to clear your mind and the moment you realize you've actually done it, you ruined the entire thing XD

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  4. This post really made me giggle I've always felt so silly whenever I've tried to meditate

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    1. Glad I made you giggle, that's what I was aiming for with this post! It does feel silly, just sitting there and not doing anything, hahaha.

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  5. This is pretty much my first few tries at meditation hehe, so true! I found an app I love for guided meditation- Simply Being. It's about £1.50 I think. It has a lady with a really soothing voice and like, rain sounds. It's my last resort when I can't sleep!

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    1. I used Calm for the moments when I couldn't sleep too. It did manage to calm me down, but the guided meditation became less guided every session and I soon realized I did need guiding or I'd be all over the place anyway.

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  6. I laughed through this. I tried it once and it was just... Too weird. 😂 you summed it up perfectly

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    1. Hahaha, thank you! I guess meditating needs some getting used to if you really want to get into it.

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  7. Hahaha! Was your friend being a mircowave??
    I can't meditate either, I have too many thoughts too. I can be thinking of something as mundane as making a cup of tea and then a second and a couple of related (barely) thoughts later I'm wondering what Zoe Mariott's next book is gonna be about.
    I am so easily lead though, as I was reading I started scratching my chin.
    Cora ❤ http://www.teapartyprincess.co.uk/

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    1. Hahaha I don't know if she wanted to be a microwave and when I asked her what that sound was she said: 'That's what people say when they meditate!' I have no idea who she'd ever seen meditating, but I'd never seen or heard anyone do that. Neither before, nor after she did it.
      My thoughts are exactly the same, I start thinking about cookies and half a minute later my thoughts have wandered off to the other side of the world.
      I hope your chin doesn't itch anymore now ;)

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  8. This is a funny post, I always hear about how I should try meditating, since I suffer from migraine headaches and stress. However, I can never just clear out my mind and sit there, I don't get how people do it! My brain doesn't stop thinking, lol

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    1. Thank you! I have no idea if meditation would help with your migraines. It's worth the shot, I mean, it only takes a couple of minutes to try, but if your brain doesn't stop thinking it can get very difficult, hahaha.

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  9. I remember when I was trying to do my best to convince myself that yoga is the activity for me thinking all the time 'OMG I hope I do not fart, don't fart, nooo, don't do it' Iga x

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    1. Your comment made me laugh so loud! Actually I'm smiling all over again now that I'm answering it and my mom is laughing because there's such a big smile on my face, hahaha.
      If I went to yoga I'd probably think the same thing. A friend of mine once went to a class where someone farted really loud and the instructor tried to hide it by saying: 'I guess someone stretched so far they ripped their pants.'

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  10. hahaha.. I've thought all of these and more on first attempts to meditate.
    if you stick with it, it can be so darn nice. My blog actually has a meditation tutorial for beginners.

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