First of all: Yay, I turned 20 today!
Second: Oh no, I turned 20 today...
There you have it already: I can't go an hour without contradicting myself...

When I was in 6th grade my teacher used to call me a walking encyclopedia. It wasn't meant as a comment though. In college some people think of me as a walking dictionary. I see myself as a walking contradiction.
I think turning 20 has made me think even more about who am I and what I want to do with this life I've got. It's confusing, because part of me just wants to settle down, have a steady job and a nice little family. Five seconds after thinking about that I see a travel blog and I'll be all like: I need to get over to that place right now!
Part of me wants to become a teacher, because it's a steady job. Then there's this part of me that just can't stop thinking about becoming a writer, or an artist, or a full-time blogger. Not a steady job at all, but so much more fun.
There's even a part of me that wants to give up on my dreams. But there's also a much bigger part of me that says I can't give up now. I've come this far, giving up would be a waste of time and an insult to myself.

I don't know what it is about my birthday that makes me think about myself this way. It's probably the pressure of turning 20 and not having anything figured out. All I know is that I like to learn languages and get to know more about different cultures, which only makes the contradictions within me bigger. Yeah, I'm that white kid who obsesses over every culture except her own. Again, there's a part of me that wants me to stop being so overly interested in other cultures, a different part of me is just passionate about it.

There are always two parts of me when it comes to the things I want and like. Right now, there's a part of me that tells me to stop writing because I'm rambling. There's also a part of me that wants me to keep writing because I need to get it out of my system. The contradictions confuse me, but I can't help myself.
There's a part of me that wants to stop the contradictions. Then there's that part of me that shrugs and thinks: I've lived with it for 20, it shouldn't be a problem.
I think I'll listen to that part of me. The part that's not exactly the voice of reason, the part that wants to do crazy things and that still believes I can change the world. Yeah, I think I'll do with that for the next 20 years.

Stay Awesome!

PS. Have some digital birthday cake and celebrate my birthday with me :)