In the busy weeks just before my summer vacation started, I did what I do best: I wasted my time reading Buzzfeed articles. It was my way of learning to cope with the fact that I'll never be a Buzzfeed writer. And as usual with Buzzfeed, I came across articles I didn't agree with. I came across articles I absolutely loved. But there was one article where I drew a line and said: "No. Just no. This needs to be rewritten. I am rewriting this Buzzfeed article right now!"
As you can tell I didn't rewrite it 'right now', partly because I was busy, mostly because I was lazy. But now I'm here and it's time to rewrite the article "The 24 Stages Of Going For A Run". I'm a runner. I have been a runner for the past twelve years. I will be a runner for many more years. I am very unfamiliar with theses "stages", which seem to be thoughts in my opinion. I don't have the thoughts listed in this article though. These are the thoughts I actually have while running.

1. I don't want to.
I should go for a run today... but I don't wnat to. I could pretend I have an injury. Didn't I just feel something in my leg? Never mind, that was just an itch.
Also can't pretend I don't know where my shoes are, they're on my feet. Hmmm... Maybe I should just go.

2. I'll just go for a short run. But I'll run extra fast.
Running 5k takes too long. I'll do 3k today. Then 5k next time. But I'll have to run extra fast today to make up for those 2k I won't do. A super fast short run should equal a slow long run, shouldn't it? Does that make sense? It does sound logical to me. I'm gonna go for it.

3. I'm so fast! So fast!
Look at me go! I'm so fast! I'm almost flying! Why am I not doing this professionally? I could take on those super fast African athletes right now. That would be awesome. Maybe I should go to track meetings again.

So fast!

4. That was too fast.
Too fast. Need air! Why did I think I could keep running at that pace for so long? What was I thinking?!

5. I'm so slow! So slow!
Maybe I can run a little slower. Wait, not this slow! Bad legs, I said slow, not snail's pace! Go faster! Normal pace! This is embarrassing...

6. What was it like to breathe like a normal person?
Back in the day, before I went on a run, I could breathe through my nose. Pure fresh air whenever I needed it. I was so good at breathing normally. Those were the days, I'm telling you. Those were the days...

7. This is not fun. Not at all.
Why am I doing this again? I could have been home, blogging or reading my book. Sounds nice. Sounds better than this.

8. Almost there. Let's go a little faster.
Okay Envy, only a couple of hundred meters now. Quit the snail's pace, force those legs to go faster. I don't care that you're tired, I don't care that your muscles ache and I certainly do not care that you don't feel like going faster anymore. You can cry and complain when you're home. You're going to run your ass off, understood?

9. I'm so mediocre! So mediocre!
You know, there are ten-year-olds who can run this fast. On the other hand, there are also lots of people who run a whole lot slower than me. I never win a race, but I never lose one either. Long live my mediocrity!

10. Thank god that's over...
Finally! I need to sit down. I need something to drink. I need a shower. Oh my god that was difficut. At least I can breathe again. Air, that's some good stuff. My god...

Note: Thought 1 and 2 are optional. Repeat thought 3 to 10 every other day on your runs.
If you wonder if running's really worth it after reading my thoughts, let me tell you this: you won't believe how fast I am when I have to get my laptop to join a Twitter chat!

Stay Awesome!