When I was in high school, people said I was a drowning otter. I got the nickname as a result of a clumsy accident that involved the guy I had a crush on. It was a rubbish nickname, but it stuck with me for a couple of years.
My college friends don't think I'm a drowning otter. They prefer to think of me as a plant. More specifically: a cactus. Prickly on the outside, kind of cool on the inside.
Personally I don't think I'm either of those things. If I'm anything at all, I think I'm a cat.

It's a little ironic. I'm allergic to certain kinds of cats. Completely my dad's fault: he's allergic to all animals with hair and passed the cat-allergy gene on to me. This means I'll never be able to become a crazy cat lady. And no, I don't want fifteen of those hairless cats, 'cause they scare the life out of me.
There might be a chance that my subconcious has spotted this problem a while ago and decided to solve it by turning me into some kind of cat in human form. You don't believe it? Here, let me show you.

If it fits, I sits
I like to sit. I really do. Walking is pretty awesome too, but sometimes I just want to sit. Doesn't matter where. If there's a teeny tiny ledge between two gigantic plants in my school's yard, and my behind fits between those plants perfectly, I will sit down there. This resulted in classmates calling me Mowgli, but at least I sat comfortably while they had to stand around. And that wasn't even the best place that I sat in over the past couple of months. The day my Dad brought home a gigantic box full of Christmas presents was even better. I fits, I definitely sits. Especially in empty boxes. Those are the best sits you can find.

Een foto die is geplaatst door Envy Fisher (@envy_fisher) op 17 Dec 2015 om 11:22 PST

The internet is my home
I love my country, but the internet seems to be my true home. Just like cats, I am some sort of appreciated here. That's pretty freaking awesome. I'm not as popular as the average cat, but I'm definitely a creature of the internet. I'm even on YouTube these days XD If I'd been a little younger, my mom probably would've made a million with videos of baby me riding a vacuum cleaner. Not making that up, that's actually something I did when I was little. Practically a cat, see?

That red dot needs to be caught
Yeah yeah, I know it's a laser pen, or just some little light. But for some reason I feel so fullfilled when I stamp my foot down in the exact same spot where that little red dot appears. Makes me feel like I achieved something. I'm really winning at life.

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Love me or hate me, no inbetween
You know how there are cat persons and dog persons? Some people are Envy persons and others are not. There are some people out there who've accepted all of my weirdness and have grown fond of it. Other people... not so much. People who are neutral towards me? Show me one, that's when I'll believe they exist. For now, I'll just say I'm like cats: you either love them or hate them.

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Not really trying
Don't think I didn't do my research. Surprisingly, this research included this article, and not just twenty thousand cat videos. But apparently cats are popular because they don't try to impress you. Cool, me neither. I'm just writing a bunch of nonsense on this blog so my head doesn't get full of randomness. I do things because I like to do them. Or because I'm curious about what would happen if I did something. Usually those things are stupid though. Curiosity killed the cat Envy.
Yet for some reason I'm not popular on the internet. Maybe I'm not a cat after all...

Okay, so maybe I should reconsider being similar to a cat. But you have to admit, it sounds better than 'drowing otter'. Or 'cactus'. Anyway, if this post didn't make any sense to you, I'm going to take it as a compliment: what cats do doesn't make any sense half of the time either.

Stay Awesome!