'80% of the time I don't understand you,' my ex-boyfriend once said. Not because I was being annoying, but because he really didn't and we'd just found out why: I'm gifted, which means my IQ is somewhere between 'pretty damn high' and 'Tony Stark level genius'. Now that all sounds nice and positive, doesn't it? In a way, it is. It makes it easy for me to learn new things. I see the world in a way most people can't see it, which is a great thing if you want to become a writer. But figuring this out was only the beginning of a journey that's pretty much killing me at the moment.

I discovered giftedness and the way it affects me while my blog was down, back in February. In March I went to my doctor, who sent me to a psychologist. Last week she was struggling to diagnose me. Giftedness can cause trouble, but there was more to me than just the IQ thing. Depression was ruled out, but there were signs of an anxiety disorder. Today she let me know what's up with me: I don't have an anxiety disorder, I simply have an inferiority complex. Long story short: I hate myself because I'm different.

All throughout my childhood people responded negatively to me because they couldn't understand the way I think and see the world. Because of that I started to believe that it was all my own fault. I was not good enough for people to accept me the way I am. I was different, and different was wrong. Since finding out what it is that makes me different, I've made peace with my giftedness. The inferiority complex though... Well, that's what's killing me right now. That's why I'm writing this post.

Getting a diagnose can be pretty freaking hard on anyone. It sure is on me. So is therapy. When I go to therapy on a Thursday, it takes me all weekend to find mental stability again. And that's where my blog comes in. This week I couldn't get myself to write a post for Monday. Right now I'm struggling to find words for this post. The reason is simple: I am far from okay at the moment. Life is hard now, and my blog won't always be top priority. I put all my energy into my education and getting this mess inside my head cleaned up. Between those two, there's not much time left for things like blogging...

So what's going to happen with Lost in Translation? One of my friends thinks I should turn to blogging about mental health now that I'm all caught up in it myself, but that's the last thing that'll happen. It's just not me and it wouldn't feel right for me to post about all the nasty stuff on my mind. Hats off to those who can, but I'm not one of them. No, I've decided to keep my blog the way it is: filled with randomness, travel posts and art. These are the things that make me happy, so my blog will be my safe haven where I can get away from the nastiness and focus on the things I love. It'll only happen less frequent than I was used to.

All in all I don't think you'll guys will notice much of my mental issues. I might miss a post every now and then. I might write updates on the situation if I think that'd be relevant. I'll definitely have some ugly cries and rants on Twitter. Because at the end of the day, I'm not okay. However, I know that I will be okay again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon enough. Hope you'll stay with me while I figure it all out.