At Least I Am Free

by - 8:44 PM

Sometimes a song speaks to your heart and soul. The music, the lyrics, the videoclip, it all comes together and it's just the right song for you. When I find one of those songs I listen to it on repeat for hours, days, months on end. One of those songs has been playing in my head since Friday afternoon, when I finished my very last exam of my sophomore year in college. It's called 'Free'.

I don't do yoga
Never tried pilates
Not many people want me at their parties
The first lines of my favorite song. The popped up in my mind the moment I handed my grammar exam in. The description fits me to a T, I thought as I zigzagged my way to the door, trying not to disturb my classmates. How many of them would want me at their party? Not a whole lot, I expect. My classmates and I are a bit of a weird bunch. Even though I've become pretty close to some of them, I don't feel like I fit in completely.

Tryna find my place, some place, oh I, oh I...
Was I even trying trying to find my place in this class? I couldn't help but wonder as I said goodbye for the summer to those waiting outside the classroom. I think I wasn't. I think I was busier trying to to find my place in this world. Any place would do, but finding that place had been difficult during sophomore year. Friendships in my class felt a bit strained at times. Careerwise I've only gotten more confused. Culturally I've become a walking contradiction. It's not easy to find your place in such a situation.

I drink a little more than recommended
Thus world ain't exactly what my heart expected
I barely drink, but that second sentence is so true that it physically hurts me. I had all these dreams and expectations of adulthood when I was a kid. None of them came true. I almost ran down the stairs towards the exit while thinking about this. No, I'd never expected I'd go to a college where creativity is a bad thing and where perverted students can rule classrooms. I thought the world was an amazing place where I'd find love...

C'est la vie
Maybe something's wrong with me
I sighed as I walked towards the doors. Maybe something is wrong with me. Maybe that's why I'm always alone, maybe that's why I have just a few close friends. All year long I've been feeling weird about the way some of my classmates interacted with each other. Maybe it wasn't them, maybe it was me.
I took a deep breath and walked through the doors. Okay, maybe something's wrong with me. But that doesn't mean the situation is hopeless.

But oh at least I am free
I'm a weirdo who has no idea where her place in this big crazy world is. I expected to have found it at age 18. I didn't, maybe because there's something wrong with me. I don't know. It doesn't matter. I'm free. Free from college until September. Free to go out and find my place in this world. It's not going to be easy, but when it gets tough I'll listen to this song and remember that no matter how difficult life is, at least I am free.
'At least I am free,' I half sang as I quickly walked away from my college. The optimism in that line was almost tangible. I'm ready to start searching this summer. I'm ready for everything life throws at me. I hope you are too.

Stay Awesome!

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4 Fellow Ramblers

  1. I've always loved music and this song hit me hard... thank you for sharing
    all the love
    Hugs from Hayley xx

    1. It's one of those songs that either hits hard, or not at all. I guess that's why it never became a big hit, but I'm glad you feel the same way about it as I do

  2. Why am I not surprised that the music video has a wanderlust aesthetic xD

    1. Maybe because everything I love has that aesthetic? xD


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