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Lost in Translation

"Narwhals narwhals
Swimming in the ocean
Causing a commotion
Cuz they are so awesome"

Yeah, I drew a narwhal
I don't sing very often, but when I do I sometimes find myself singing what I simply call 'the narwhal song'. I've been doing so for years now. Sometimes I wouldn't sing or think about it for months, sometimes it'd be stuck in my head for days at a time. The song reminds me of the days when 30 high school sophomores would belt out the narwhal song in each and every class.

"Hey Envy, did you know there's an animal called narwhal?"
I looked up from my book to see my classmate Britt grin with excitement. For a second I didn't know what to do. Did she expect a serious answer or was this just another attempt at nerd shaming? Maybe it was, but my inner Hermione couldn't stop herself from saying: "Yeah, it's a marine mammal."
"I know! Well, now I know. I thought they didn't exist because they have, like, a horn. Like a unicorn!"
"Yeah, I know."
Britt's face fell. "Am I the only one who thought they were fake?"
"What's fake?" someone on the other side of the classroom asked.
"Narwhals! But they aren't fake! They exist!"
"What's a narwhal?"
Soon everyone was discussing whether or not these sea unicorns existed.
"They're real,' I told my classmates, but since I was the least popular kid within a five mile radius, no one listened to me. Google had to be consulted. And that was only the beginning...

Some of my friends are cat people. Some are dog people. Some are just overall animal people. Not me. At first I seem that stone-cold chick who doesn't like any animals. Secretly I love elephants though. And pandas. But mostly narwhals, because of the things that happened in the next couple of days after Britt's discovery of narwhals.

"There is a song,"Britt announced.
"A song?" I asked.
"About narwhals."
"Really?" I asked about too loud. We were studying in the library (well, I was) and the general rule of the librarians was the every decibel was one decibel too much.
"SHHHHHHT!" we heard from the
"Really?" I said again, not as loud this time.
"Yeah really. There's even an hour long version."
"Found it," one of the guys from our class said. He sat at the table next to us, intently staring at his phone. "This is weird."
"Let me see," Britt said. He handed her the phone and soon Britt was trying not to laugh out loud. "Oh man, this is great. They call narwhals are the Jedi of the sea!"

We sang the narwhal song in class. First Britt and I. Then the next time we sang it, more people joined in. After a few days everyone in our class knew the narwhal song, everyone knew about the animal, everyone loved it. After a week, we decided that the narwhal was now our official class mascot. Narwhals were now property of Class 10A and Class 10B and 10C were to stay away from them and pick their own mascot, which never would be as awesome as ours.
One day a guy in our class even decided to temporarily change his name to Narwhal. We thought it was cool - our English teacher, who had to find out who'd written Narwhal on their test.

All of a sudden the narwhal craze was over again. Just like all the other high school obsessions it disappeared as fast as it had come. If you'd asked my former classmates today if they know the narwhal song, they'd probably ask you what that is. Not me though. Because some times when I'm happy, I hum the song that brought class 10A together for the first (and sadly also the last) time. It was one of the best things that happened in high school. It's a weird story, but also a story that will never fail to make me feel good. I don't think I'll ever stop singing the narwhal song. Even though it's overexcited and crazy. Will you sing along with me?


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3 Fellow Ramblers
'Do you really want to do this?' I asked on Saturday morning.
My reflection in the mirror didn't answer. She just looked at my dark blue tights and the big white star on my chest with eyes full of doubt.It was Dutch Comic Con day and I was going to be one of those cosplaying weirdos - if I could find the courage to leave the house looking like a gender-bent Captain America.

From Envy's Make it Happen List
#28: Go to Comic Con
Status: Awesomeness achieved

My reflection looked tired and insecure. I'd barely slept that night. Around 3am I'd woken up, thinking it was time to go to Utrecht for a day full of awesomeness, only to find out it was still the middle of the night...
My insecurity was killing me: I'd wanted to do a Captain America cosplay for ages, but now that I had a suit and an opportunity, I was afraid people would laugh at me. For a minute I considered letting go of the cosplay idea. Then I realized the acne gods had blessed me with an almost clear skin for once. That had to be a sign: I had to do it. Five minutes later I put on my gloves and my sorta-kinda combat boots, walked to the bus stop and didn't look back.

Okay, to be honest, I felt uncomfortable in my blue tights until my friend Alethea and I got on the train to Utrecht, where Dutch Comic Con takes place. Suddenly I wasn't the only overexcited costumed geek anymore. All conversations in our part of the train were either about superheroes, or about Harry Potter. It only got better when we arrived at Utrecht Central Station. I spotted my first Deadpool there and for some reason also the Blues Brothers. It was great, especially because my Captain America suit turned out to be one of the more normal and less slutty outfits at the con. Seriously, before we'd even entered the place we'd already seen the first piece of underwear peeking out from under a piece of cloth that was supposed to be a pair of shorts.

Actually entering Comic Con was a bit of a hassle. Not just because a few hundred geeks all wanted to get in as soon as possible, but also because every single bag and cosplay prop had to be checked. After what happened in Brussels, which isn't all that far away, the organization didn't want to take any risks. I can't blame them. It took some time to get through security, but with so many awesome costumes all around us the wait was pretty great. Especially when a guy dressed as Wolverine started talking to us because of my costume. At that moment I was really glad I'd stuck to my plan of cosplaying.

It was around 10am when we officially entered the con. After that moment I lost all track of time. It was like entering a parallel universe. Before I knew what was going on, I was dragged to the Captain America: Civil War stand, where we had out picture taken - in front of the Team Iron Man background. It's probably the most original picture those people took of Marvel fans all day: three Iron Man fangirls and a very awkward and unhappy looking female Captain America. 
The merchandise hall felt like my new home. I couldn't stop staring at all the awesome (and extremely pricy) merchandise. In the end I only bought a Deadpool and a Star Lord post card to decorate my wall with. Sure, post cards from places I've been are cool, but who wouldn't want to see Star Lord give them the finger when they open their eyes in the morning? 


I should probably also tell you about these little blue surprise bags they sold at the con. The idea was great: pick a bag from your favorite franchise and get some surpise merchandise. It was almost like a subscription box and since I just love those I had to get one of these. Sadly I ended up with even more Iron Man stuff. Apparently the universe didn't get the message that I'm Team Cap all the way... Alethea's luck was worse than mine: she got corn chips (I ate all of them on the way back home).

I spent most of my time looking at other people. The costumes were just amazing. Apart from slutty Mario and Luigi, I loved almost all of them. But I loved the whole cosplay thing even more when a girl came up to me and said: 'Your costume is so cute!' It made my day, it really did.

While I was happily watching other people look awesome, my friend was more focused on getting to a Q&A with Seth Gilliam on time. I had no idea who that was, but I figured I should go with her for the full Comic Con experience. I was not disappointed. I had seen neither of the two series he answered questions about, but he turned the Q&A into a real performance. It was also funny that Teen Wolf fangirls took the Q&A almost completely over before the Walking Dead fans stepped in. It almost seemed like a competition from that moment on: which fandom could ask the most questions?

After the Q&A my friend wanted to go to some sneak preview kind of thing for a series called Outcast. I let her go on her own; I wasn't interested and my social meter was running dangerously low. You see, I can be very social for an hour or two, three maybe. But after five hours, I really need some alone time.
I checked the merchandise hall out one more time, then sat down near the Civil War stand and watched Comic Con happen. That was one of the greatest things I did all day. I saw Iron Man flirt with a female Venom, Darth Vader kept dropping his light saber and even Sans from Undertale was there. Five Nights at Freddy's cosplays walked past me, followed by Batman and at least six Deadpools. Every time I thought I'd seen it all, another person in an awesome costume came along. It was geek heaven.

By the end of the day my mind was blown. I was exhausted, my feet hurt and I hadn't drunk a thing because I was too busy being excited, but it was all worth it. For once I felt at home. For once I felt like I could fit in. It was the best feeling ever.

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8 Fellow Ramblers
As a kid I was obsessed with Egyptian hieroglyphics. I wanted to learn to read them and could more or less write my name in them. Something about using tiny images instead of letters fascinated me. Little did I know that ten years later we'd be using loads of images this way. Let's face it: emojis are modern days hieroglyphics. Nine-year-old me would have loved them. Seventeen-year-old me just made a big mess with them. Now ninteen-year-old me is here, trying to save the day and her online conversations with these four, my favorite emojis!


When Noor from Noor's Place showed us the emojis that described her best, we saw cherry blossoms and balloons and hearts and nail polish. You won't see those here, because there's one big difference between Noor and me: she's fluent in Emoji and I'm more like that confused tourist who's desperately looking up words in a pocket dictionary... It took me ages to find out that the eggplant emoji isn't just an innocent eggplant in Emoji and since this discovery I have slight trust issues with the new language of our generation. Who says my friends won't misinterpret my emojis?
This here is exactly the reason why I stick to these four: the one with happy tears, the big smile with a bead of sweat, the winking one that sticks out its tongue - and a cactus. Let me explain.

Happy Tears
You know how everyone uses 'LOL'? I don't use it at all. LOL doesn't just mean 'laughing out loud', it's also the Dutch word for 'fun'. Very appropriate, but also slightly weird for me to use. Instead I use this emoji. All the time. It's by far my most used emoji.
I'm on of those people who show their emotions when they read, so chances are that I will be laughing out loud for real if I send you this one - or at the very least I'll be trying not to fall of my chair laughing in the middle of class. I don't just love sending it, I also like to receive it. It lets me know that I made someone think one fun and happy thought that day. In a way it lets me know I did something good for someone else. Did that sound weird? Probably, but I'm hopping on the positivity bandwagon, so let's just make it our goal to see as many of this emoji as possible!


Bead of sweat
Ever had an online conversation with me? In that case you'll know I use this one a lot. Not as much as the previous one, but still A LOT a lot. This one is my attempt at getting a way with dumb remarks. Dumb actions. Dumb everythings. I'm one of those people who yells 'hi' at someone on the other side of the subway station, then realizes it's not the person I thought they were. I'll tell you how I embarrassed myself in front of this total stranger and end my story with this emoji. If I didn't get one of your jokes, you'll see this emoji. If I have no idea what you're talking about, you'll see this emoji. And if I realize I've said something really stupid, you'll see this emoji. If I send you this one, you're allowed to facepalm at me. Go ahead, I know you want to.


*wink*
I don't know what it is with my sense of humour, but very few people get it. On the other hand, loads of people laugh when I don't intend to be funny. Especially over text messages, things are bound to get awkward really fast. So whenever I'm joking around and think that the person on the other side of the internet doesn't get it, I send this. To me it's a pretty clear sign, but I don't think all of my friends got the memo. Maybe it's because some people use an other emoji to show that they're kidding, but I prefer this one. It's got that cheeky vibe going on. It fits my sense of humour because it's nice with a little bit of not-so-niceness going on. The combination of winking and sticking your tongue out is just too cool in my world.
Anyway, for those of you who don't know: if I send you this, I'm kidding!


Cactus
Once upon a time, about two months ago, I had to take a personality test for college. It was about the role we take on in group projects. Each role had a cool name like 'Businessman' and 'Leader'. My result? 'Plant'. You read that right, I'm a plant. Some of my friends decided that if I was a plant, I should be a cactus. And so the cactus emoji became one of my favorites. I don't use it in conversations, but it's perfect for my Whatsapp status (which literally says 'I'm a cactus' these days) and it's also really cool for tweets. I think this one describes me better now than the other three combined.


Apart from these four I also love the monkey that covers it's eyes (as in "Oh god, what did I do now"), the elephant (who doesn't love elephants?) and the calender (because July 17th is my birthday). And I'll never stop looking for an excuse to use the flag of Antarctica in conversation! 

For those of you wondering: yes, I made gigantic emojis just for this post. There's something extremely satisfying in coloring a huge smiling face or a stereotypical cactus.

Which emojis are your favorite? Which one diescribes you best? Let me know in the comments.
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12 Fellow Ramblers
"I have a confession to make: I am unhappy."
With those words I started telling the world about my 100 Happy Days Challenge. I'd decided I needed to change my mindset. Now here I am, 100 days later. Those 100 days went by much faster than I expected them to. They weren't all happy, but looking back at my Instagram page I can't believe how much has happened over the past three months.

At first I shared simple little pictures like these. Some days I was very happy, but didn't know how to show that. I usually ended up sharing pictures of small things. Maybe that was also because I felt there were no "big" happy things happening to me. That changed over the course of my challenge. I started doing things that scared me, like driving someone else's car, making a vlog and posting selfies. I found happiness in those things - and at that point I was only 30 days in.


I was doing very well - until Valentine's Day came around. I didn't take it being alone all that well and ended up hating myself for a week or two. It would have been a good moment to throw in the towel, call it quits. I didn't. Even though I was in a dark place for a few days here and there, there was always something to light up the darkness. Cake, pretty balloons, the local supermarket selling mango lassi. The 100 Happy Days Challenge helped me see how much those tiny things mattered.


Once I'd picked up my pieces halfway through the challenge, I discovered something new that I absolutely love now: art journalling. I'd been flirting with it for a few months in 2014, but during the aftermath of my Valentine's Day breakdown I fell in love with it. Ever since then I've been making wanderlust themed art journal pages. These are my favorites. When I move out I want to make huge prints of these two pages and put them on my living room wall.


So yes, I haven't been happy all throughout my 100 Happy Days Challenge. In my defense, it's impossible for humans not to experience any negative feelings for such a long time. And without the lows, the highs wouldn't be so high either. After a little over three months of spamming my Instagram followers with mostly snapshots of random objects, I can say I'm much happier than at the start of the challenge. I've found parts of myself that I wouldn't have found if I'd given up in February. It hasn't been an easy journey, but it was worth it. Now it's time to move on to the next one and see where life takes me.

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10 Fellow Ramblers
If you could look inside my head, I think you'd see a whirlwind of thoughts. Memories, ideas, plans, comments, lists. There's never a quiet moment in my head. Usually I don't mind, but sometimes my head is so full of (negative) thoughts that I forget who I am. I can literally lose myself in those thoughts in a matter of seconds. The opposite also happens: I can get completely swept away by five different projects at the same time. I'm a girl of big hopes, dreams and goals, but trying to achieve all of them at the same time is insane. 
When either of these things happen, I need something to stay focused on who I am, what I want to achieve in life and what's most important to me. What's a better way to remind myself of those things than a vision board?


After a long day at my internship school, I decided to let my homework be for once and create a vision board. I printed a bunch of pretty pictures, cut them out and tried to turn them into one big beautiful reminder of what I want to do with my life. Making this thing was like art journaling on a big scale, which means it was far from easy. It might look a little messy, or completely random, but each picture has a special meaning to it. A meaning I'd love to share with you.


The center piece of my vision board had to be this quote, the Holstee manifesto. My internship school has one wall completely covered with it. At first I didn't like it at all. It was too big. But then parts of it caught my eye. Somehow this quote always tells me exactly what I need to hear. When I was doubting long and hard about applying for a summer program in India, the line "Some opportunities only come once, seize them" caught my eye. So in times of need, I let my eyes wander over the quote and read the first line that draws my attentions, It always makes me feel better.


This picture inspires me maybe the most of all pictures on my vision board. Superwoman is basically the reason I made this things. After seeing hers in her vlog, I decided I wanted to make one too. If it weren't for her, I never would have uploaded my vlogs on YouTube. When I uploaded "Why I Don't Do Vlogs" one of my friends joked that I'd be vlogging with Lilly in no time. It might have been a joke, but an inspiring one. My vision board wouldn't be complete without Superwoman.


Most of the pictures of faraway places are reminders of my dream to travel the world. The Egyptian picture is one of them, just like the one of the Jesus statue in Rio de Janeiro, the Chinese building and the South-East Asian temple. This one isn't. You see, I go to college to become a high school teacher, but I'm not 100% sure if that's what I want to do with my life. I love German, I love teaching, but the idea of doing it for years on end scares the living daylight out of me. I wouldn't want to be stuck in the Netherlands for all those years. Luckily I've heard you can teach German abroad too, in Singapore nonetheless. The thought of teaching there keeps me going when things get rough in college.


One thing I'll never stop dreaming about is making this blog big. I'll work hard and do whatever it takes, because I'm pretty sure that blogging is the love of my life. I'm nowhere near my goal now, but when I see people with a big following I get extremely motivated.


I'm also still dreaming of writing and publishing a book. Not necessarily this one, but I'd love to see A Vampire's Mistake in print. Its characters are my personal favorites and writing the main character is just so much fun. It's also the only writing project I've ever really shared with the world. You can find the first two chapters right here on my blog!


Elephants seem to be one of the completely random elements on my vision board, but let me tell you, there's a reason why they're here. I love elephants. I don't know why, probably because I didn't have a teddy bear as a kid but a tiny yellow elephant. They're my favorite animals on the planet. One day I want to go to an elephant orphanage like my parents did years ago and feed one of the baby elephants. I'll have to go to the other side of the globe for it, but it'll be worth it.


Now this picture and the little red leaf are both just reminders of how beautiful our planet is. I'm a bit of a tree hugger and think that we should all do whatever we can to keep our planet alive. It doesn't sound cool at all, but trees are the best.


Then there's this one left. It easily could've been one of my travel reminders, but it's not. When I was younger I never even thought of going to India. Let me tell you a secret: I hated the country. Their Incredible India commercials interrupted my sports program on the Eurosport channel every five minutes and five-year-old me did not appreciate that. I honestly felt like the country had done me wrong. Almost 15 years later I can't wait to visit India though. Not just India, all of South Asia seems so be calling me now. There are some amazing people over there whom I'd love to meet as soon as possible.

Over the next couple of weeks, years even, I'll probably add more and more pictures to my vision board. It keeps me focused, it keeps me motivated, it keeps me grounded. It's exactly what I need at times.
What would be on your vision board? Make sure to let me know!

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14 Fellow Ramblers
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About me


Envy. Dutch blogger. Est. 1996. No relation to the famous biblical sin. Worst bio writer on this side of the blogospere. Lives on cookies, apple juice and art. Friendly unless confronted with pineapple on pizza. Writes new nonsense every Thursday.

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