Some time back I felt like dancing. I must have been six or seven. All the girls in my class were in ballet and I wasn't. But one day I felt like dancing and I just did something. Nothing serious, nothing ballet-like. I just went with the rythm in my head.
I was laughed at. I looked stupid, they told me. What I was doing wasn't gracious enough and thus I deserved to be laughed at.
Years later I was listening to the radio during art class and I was moving my head and arms a bit. Once again I was laughed at, this time because I wasn't doing the same thing as the girls next to me. I did what felt right, but it wasn't right according to others and thus I deserved to be laughed at. I never danced again without being overly aware of my weirdly flapping arms.

From Envy's Make it Happen List
#3: Dance with someone without feeling ashamed of my spastic moves
Status: Awesomeness Achieved

As you might know by now, I made a list of things I wanted to do for various reasons. This was one of the things I wanted to do because I never knew what it was like to be carefree while dancing. I got superclose to achieving this goal at prom, until T. realized with whom he was dancing.
Then I went to Peru, a place which was perfect to get some Make it Happen things done. Because in a rural town called Chivay, I was able to cross another one off my list.

In Chivay we went to a restaurant to eat guinea pig. Our tour guide had chosen the restaurant because the served guinea pig (except the night we were there) and also because of the live entertainment. Every night there was a dance performance. We were strictly forbidden to join the dancers. No matter how often they'd ask us, we had to say 'no', because if we went dancing we'd probably pass out because of the altitude. I was so disappointed at that moment.
But that night, as we were eating, our tour guide was suddenly up there dancing with one of the dancers. We all laughed and joked that he was a hypocrite. The dancers the asked other people from our group to join, but everyone refused. Everyone except me.
Suddenly I was dancing some traditional Peruvian dance with some cute Peruvian guy. I enjoyed it so much. Even when I had to dress up as a dude as part of the dance. 

Sometimes all you have to do is to DON'T GIVE A SHIT

I laughed and danced and laughed some more. I got dizzy but didn't pass out. Everyone said I did so well and that it was so nice of me to go dancing when I finally sat down to eat something. Everyone said so, but when they were asked, they all said 'no'. The dancer I'd danced with asked everyone at our table and everyone refused. I felt sorry for him and danced with him again.

I don't always dance, but when I do it looks chaotic :)

I think I did well that night. I overcame one of my fears, I didn't feel ashamed, not even a second, and had a great night. Since that day I've danced a lot more. You can now regularly see me dancing around the room with the radio turned up so loud you might go deaf. The spastic moves will never improve but the enjoyment I get out of them has skyrocketed!

Source

It's not a secret that I stuggle with my low self esteem. My self confidence is almost zero. Especially the whole 'label' episode I went through in the last two years of high school left me with a dangerously low self esteem. But at some point, I realized I had to snap out of it. I'm not the only one suffering from low self esteem, I'm not the only one who thinks they can't do something while they're great at it. A lot of girls my age suffer from these symptoms in one way or another. Some blame the media, some blame the fashion industry, but blaming people doesn't exactly boost your self esteem. However, there are a few things you could try. WARNING: these methods were only tested on a single Envy. Success can not be guaranteed. Long term side effects unknown.

#1: Make a list
You might have noticed that I love making lists. I make lists for ust about everything. So when my self esteem is dangerously low and my self confidence has vaporized, I make a list of all the things I like about myself. For every negative remark I've heard I write down a positive feature. So my nose may be big, but my hands are small and beautiful. My face may be covered with pimples, but my legs are great and low maintenance. I may be socially awkward, but I can always make people laugh. I may have sucked at calculus, but I aced all statistics tests effortlessly.
After making a list like this, I always realize that I am not that bad. I have a lot of positive characteristics and those are way more important than the negative ones.

#2: Talk to your friends
When my list doesn't work, I turn to my friends. I'm talking about my real friends. Not the ones who tell you you can't sing when you're humming along to a song on the radio. I'm talking about the friends who've always been there for you. The ones who'll always support you. They are the ones who see all the truly beautiful parts of you and compliment you on them. Nothing will raise your spirits as much as a good friend's appreciation and support.

#3: Avoid the 'perfect' people
SOme girls have it all: the looks, the talent, the guys, the intelligence... and don't appreciate it. They can be your best friend, but sometimes it's better to create some distance between the two of you before you turn into a gigantic green monster - and I'm not talking about the Hulk this time.

Sorry, couldn't resist the urge XD

Honestly, I turn into one big ball of jealousy when I see one of my friends who has everything and then goes on complaining that her perfect boyfriend bought her 10 roses instead of 12 when she got a B on her test. Please, go away! I'm working hard with no result, I don't have a boyfriend, stop making me feel worthless!

#4: Meet new people
As hard as it can be when you don't even want to look at yourself in the mirror, try to get out and meet new people. When I came back from the Geography Olympiad, I felt so much better about myself. I met a whole new group of people who accepted me right away. No prejudices, no hard feelings. Just acceptance.
I think that meeting new people can be a great confidence booster. It always showed me that there are people in the world who don't care about my label. New people look at you and see a new page in their live. They will try to make that page as great as possible and care for who you are of they get the chance.

#5: Do new things
One of my friends calls this one 'Do random shit!!!' (yes, the exclamation marks are necessary). It's liberating and fun. When I do something new, I need all my attention to do this new thing, so there's no room for doubt and self hate.
New things give you the possibility to explore the world and discover new talents. And what's better for your self esteem than discovering that you've had this secret talent for toilet paper throwing?

#6: The Confidence Cap
This is a little trick I've stolen from a book. Choose a thing you like, a necklace for example or a scarf. In my case it was a hat. Take the thing with you whenever you think you're going to need some extra confidence. I take my 'Cap of Confidence' with me everytime I feel insecure. I took it to the Geography Olympiad, to my first day of college, to the movie theater when I went to Catching Fire. For me, it works. Everything went according to plan all those times I took my hat with me. It just might work for you too!

Now I'm no expert on this stuff, but I hope this might be helpful for someone out there. If you want to read more about this topic, head over to Smiles No Matter for a truly great post about self confidence and self esteem!

Source

In front of the Eiffel Tower: *CLICK* selfie.
In your back yard: *CLICK* selfie.
In the bathroom: *CLICK* selfie.
Wherever we go, whatever we do, we have to preserve the moment for all eternity. No matter how trivial the event is. Society has embraced the selfie in so far that it was entered in Van Dale (the Dutch equivalent of the Oxford Ditcionary) as word of the year 2013. Countless variants popped up: the votefie (during elections) and the soilfie (during the Geography Olympiad) are just two in a long row of hideous mutations of the already hideous word selfie. The selfie has become part of our life, whether we like it or not.

I'm not a fan of selfies, mostly because my hair fills up the entire frame when I try to take one. But every now and then I do take a selfie. I like my Blogger profile up to date and since my Mom only takes pictures of me when I'm asleep, I have to take a selfie sometimes. One per month is my maximum.
Some others take a selfie at least twice a day. Dutch writer Heleen van Rooijen even got the chance to show her selfies in an exhibition. No one reads her books, but everyone knows what her nipples look like... Psychologists say that selfies have nothing to do with narcissism, but organizing an exhibition with over 200 selfies, then charging people money for looking at way more of your body than they probably want to see is to me a huge act of narcissism.
I am not sure if this kind of selfie is adding value to our society. It gives me such an uneasy, nasty feeling that I think I might be suffering from autophotophobia: fear of selfies.

'So Envy,' you might ask, 'You're afraid of pictures?!'
Uuhmm, no. I'm not. Otherwise I wouldn't have this selfie of me and Rosanne in my physical photo album. But it's one of the very, very few selfies I genuinely like.
I'm not afraid of the pictures, I'm afraid of the people taking them and their influence on society. You know how people always say that a picture says more than a thousand words? Well, when that picture is a nude picture and you're pouting and complaining about your ugliness in the caption, I think that you're sending the world a negative message that could disturb a lot of people.
In other cases selfies are just pointless. If you want your friends to know you're at the Empire State Building, you could A: tell them you're at the Empire State Building or B: send them a picture of the building. But in the selfie-absorbed society of today you have to take a selfie in front of the building. The result: a few bricks and a window, the rest of the building is blocked from view by your probably not-so-photogenic face. You could literally be anywhere in the world in front of any building. So instead of either telling or sending a picture, you have to do both. What kind of logic is that?!
But according to psychologists, it's all very logical and not at all narcissistic. It's all because of 'sharing is caring'. Though in this case it's more like 'sharing is caring about yourself'.
And then there are the practical reasons why I detest selfies. Like I said, my hair is always blocking the view. Can you imagine my Machu Picchu post with only selfies? Or my graduation? It would have looked like one and the same thing because of my exploded hair. But if you insist on a selfie, there's even more trouble waiting for you. Ever tried aiming a camera while sitting on a bicycle taxi? Not a success... Aiming a camera when you're just bad at aiming? Then don't even try taking a selfie.

'Media fear selfies' would have been more accurate

But apart from the autophotophobia and the selfie hate, there's one positive thing I like about selfies. Taking a selfie isn't something you do when you can't stand to look at your own face. So if we're taking selfies en masse, that means we're finally getting more comfortable with who we are as individuals. We care a little less abot what others think and show that in our selfies. We are getting used to the idea of being unique. And that is worth something too.

Turn on the radio and you'll hear MAGIC!'s song Rude. It's everywhere. But for once, I don't mind the ginormous hype around a mediocre song. I actually like this song, for the same reason that I like One Direction: this music makes me fall asleep without needing my medication. Let me hear two chords of a One Direction song and I'm sound asleep. MAGIC! is even more effective: one chord and I'm out. Pretty great for a girl who usually needs a pill to fall asleep within four hours, right?
So I downloaded Rude from Youtube and looked at the comments. I always do that, because I'm still naive enough to believe that Youtube is a place where people comment harmoniously and all love each other. Of course I do know better, but I still have hope for the people of the internet. Wait, made that 'I had hope'. The comments on Rude were really bad. Not just the hate comments from the every day internet hater, but also from overexcited feminists with a lack of attention. OMG a girl is not a possession, you can't ask her Dad if you can marry her, she's not a slave blahblahblah. Stuff like that.
Before I continue, I want to make one thing clear: I am not a feminist, I am a girl who appreciates her independence. I think feminism can be a good thing. But sometimes you feminists take it waaaay to far. Just walk through the lyrics with me and I'll show you around. Maybe there'll be some time left to find tolerance at the end of the day!

"Saturday morning
jumped out of bed
and put on my best suit"

I think we all agree that every guy can jump out of his bed and wear his best suit on Saturday if he likes to. I mean, I knew a guy who wore suits just because he liked suits. No issues here. I hope.

Got in my car
raced like a jet
all the way to you
knocked on your door
with heart in my hand

Maybe it's because English is not my first language, but when I hear someone say he's coming over with his heart in his hand, I interpret it like this: the guy is sincere and has the best intentions, because he's showing his true feelings. That, or he's a psycho who ripped his heart out and is literally holding it in his hand. I think I'll stick with my first option.

To ask you a question
'cause I know that you're an old fashioned man

No trouble just yet, but it's coming since people completely ignore this part. The whole point of this song comes down to these lines. He's doing this because his girlfriend's Dad has certain values and he respects that. See? That's how it's done. He respects it and by asking for his girlfriend's hand he is only being polite, not possessive.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life
Say yes, say yes, cause I need to know
You say I'll never have your blessing till the day I die
Tough luck my friend but the answer is no!

So here we see the dialogue in which it all goes wrong. On every level. First of all I feel sorry for the guy, because he was trying to be polite and he gets nothing in return. Second: this is the part where everyone starts hating and I don't understand why. Yes, he asks if he can marry his girlfriend. Maybe not in a very common way, but he means to be with her for the rest of their lives. He's asking her Dad because he knows it's polite and he'll feel bad if he goes off to marry this girl without having asked her Dad if it was okay. Neither the father nor the boyfriend see the girl as a possession that gets handed over on her wedding day. She's not a freaking couch or something and they know that! I think it tells more about you than it does about the song if you think that this is about people treating a girl like a sack of potatoes.

Why you gotta be so rude?
Don't you know I'm human too?
Why you gotta be so rude?
I'm gonna marry her anyway
Marry that girl
Marry her anyway
Marry that girl
No matter what you say
Marry that girl
Why you gotta be so rude?

So the dude responds with a musical equivalent of giving the man the finger. Not very nice, but he feels like he has done everything he could to show he's worthy of marrying this man's daughter. He goes on by saying his feelings were hurt by the curt way this man answered his question. In my eyes they're both being rude to each other. But coming back to the femenistic rants on this part: he's telling us he's going to marry the girl anyway. Which means he doesn't see her as her father's possession, he only asked because he knew this man would have appreciated it. So this is a modern couple in every way, but they respect the values of the father.

I hate to do this
You leave no choice
Can't live without her
Love me or hate me
We will be boys
Standing at that altar
Or we will run away
To another galaxy you know

More of the same: he asked because it was the polite thing to do, but they want to get married even though the answer is no.

You know she's in love with me
She will go anywhere I go

Now this is the only part my inner feminist truly dislikes. So a girl who's in love will follow a guy everywhere without thinking about consequences? Big dislike. It's like saying girls can't decide where to go and thus we'll go wherever a man tells us to go. I'm sorry, but this part is clingy and possessive. No wonder the father is totally done with this dude after hearing this.
If you don't mind, I'm skipping the chorus and we'll go straight to the next tiny part.

...cause the answer's still no!

Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have said that you'll run away together...
So it goes on a while, repeating the same things over and over again. I can't find much fault with it. Okay, I don't like the 'she will go anywhere I go' part, because it sounds like he's talking about a dog. But I don't see the problem. He's made it clear he's sincere, he loves this girl, he wanted to be polite and didn't get the answer he wanted. What's oppresive about that?

And then there's the people who aren't feminists but annoy the crap out of me by saying: 'He wouldn't get my daughter either, he looks poor/can't dance/has long hair. That, my dear friends, is absolute BS. The guy really looks crazy when he dances, he could use some shampoo and of course he's not a millionaire (yet). But is that really a reason to make your daughter hate you? Apparently the answer to that question is yes.

So did you have fun leaving hate comments on a video from MAGIC!? I hope so, since I had a lot of fun writing a hate post on your comments. Really, tolerance isn't so hard. Neither is thinking, by the way. Have a nice day :)

Sometimes you stumble upon an opportunity you just can't ignore. And it might not be exactly what you wanted, but at that moment it's the closest you'll get. So when I got the chance to go sandboarding, the closest I've ever come to actual snowboarding, I grabbed it with both hands and refused to let go.

From Envy's Make it Happen List
#10: Go snowboarding
Status: Awesomeness Almost Achieved

In the middle of the Peruvian desert lies the Huacachina oasis. The place itself is one big tourist trap but the sand dunes all around it are almost completely deserted.
As soon as we arrived there and dumped our luggage in our hotel room, my Dad and I grabbed some sandboards and wax and went to the 'newbie slope'. Our tourguide had advised us no to stand up on the board. At first we followed his advise but to be honest, it became boring pretty quik.
My Dad was the first to try to stand up. It didn't seem like a great idea to me. He hugged a tree just to keep himself from falling. When he did let go of that poor tree, he slid for about 1.5 meters and fell down. Tried again, fell down. Some Peruvian girls, who were watching us, couldn't stop laughing.
I wanted to know what it was like to stand on the board, to slide down a sand dune. Deep down inside I couldn't help thinking that I was going to fall and break a leg. I tried not to think about it too much as I fastened the straps around my ankles. Then I realized I had no way to get up. No tree to hug, no Dad to pull me up. Just those Peruvian tourists. I waved and waved at them until the were convinced that I either needed help or was just a complete retard. Anyway, one of the girls helped me up. She had a grin on her face, expected me to fall down just like my Dad. But as she led go of my hand and I started to slide down the dune, I noticed that keeping my balance wasn't as difficult as I'd expected. I only fell when the slope unexpectedly flattened out. On my second run I even started to make some curves!
Of course I fell a few time, but considering I've never stood on a snowboard or skis in my entire life, I think I did extremely well. This only made me more determined to go snowboarding soon.
Oh, and just for laughs: here are the pictures of my falls ;)