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Lost in Translation


I consider myself lucky enough to have learned Latin in high school. I know that most who give the language a try find it a pain in the butt, but I always found it a walk in the park. At some point I joked I must have Roman blood in my veins, because I was so quick to translate anything.
Although my Latin classes are now far behind me, I still love anything Roman. You can imagine how happy I was in Israel when I saw Roman ruin after Roman ruin. I noticed I still knew 90% of the historical facts I'd once learned, but as I crossed the border into Jordan, I  found a major gap in my knowledge: the Romans had been all over this country too and I didn't, couldn't, wouldn't believe it until I saw it with my own eyes. Then, when I did, it was like Christmas had come early.


My Roman adventures started in Jordan's capital Amman, which was known as Philadelphia in Roman times. On a hill in the middle of the sprawling city that is home to millions today, you can find the Citadel. I've got to be honest and say that there is not a whole lot left of the Roman ruins, but the tall columns of the Temple of Hercules are iconic for Amman. Spread out over the top of the hill are other ruins from the city's Persian, Byzantine and Umayyad period, as well as bits and pieces of statues. I was constantly walking away from my tour group to check out a new piece of history. I ended up almost losing the group entirely, as they marched on diligently while I was busy taking pictures of everything and anything on the top of the hill as well as the view. The view of the city is something you don't want to miss. There's street art to be spotted, and a gorgeous theatre from the Roman days right in the middle of all the modern buildings.


Although Amman's Roman roots are a great place to start, Jerash is where the magic happens. I visited the city on my last day in Jordan, after spending time in Petra and Wadi Rum, so I was quite exhausted by the time I walked through the ancient gate. The atmosphere made me forget my exhaustion right away though. I felt like I was in high school again. Back in 2013, I visited Pompeii with my Latin class, but visiting Jerash was even better (probably because it doesn't have a history of a ton of people dying thanks to an exploding volcano).


Pompeii had the 'advantage' of getting buried underneath a big layer of ash and other debris that kept it well-preserved. That was not the case with Jerash. In fact, a lot of it was destroyed by an earthquake in the 8th century. Later on some of the buildings played a role in the crusades and then the place fades out of history to be discovered by some German guy in the 19th century. It was mostly intact then, which it still is to this day. Sure, some buildings have caved in, but its mostly the roofs of places that are gone. The gates are still as beautiful as ever, the theatres are still there, the temples look amazing and the colonnaded street is the most impressive piece of Roman architecture I've seen in ages, for the simple fact that these relatively fragile columns are still standing upright after 2000 years.


I walked through Jerash with my tour guide and the group I'd been traveling with for the past 11 days. I wasn't paying attention to what our tour guide was telling though. I needed half of my brain to focus on the huge cobblestones that made up the pavement, so I wouldn't break my ankles on them. The other half of my brain was busy daydreaming about Roman legions, gladiators and gods. I felt like I wasn't living in my own century anymore. It was almost like I could hear Latin whispers, like I could see people in long tunics and stolas scurry past me in the corner of my eyes. I felt right at home in Jerash. 


If I hadn't been completely drained, I could have spent days exploring all the Roman temples and buildings. Sadly my legs felt like they couldn't carry my weight much longer when the tour guide said we could walk around on our own for a while. I stayed at one of the theatres, where the ancient stage was now used for some event celebrating the Jordanian royal family. For some reason, there was also a Jordanian man playing the bagpipe. He was playing it badly, but enthusiastically, and I couldn't help but smile. After my visit to Petra, it was difficult to impress me, but I loved Jerash. In an ideal scenario, I would have visited this place before moving on to Petra, which is hard to top. But as I'd booked an organized trip through Israel and Jordan, that decision was out of my hands. Still, Jerash was a perfect place to end my adventures in the Middle East. It was calm, quiet and impressive. My inner Latin student hadn't been this happy in years and as I left the gates of Jerash behind, I felt like I'd found a long-lost piece of myself back.

x Envy
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On a warm night in June, I was on a bus that would bring me to Wadi Rum, Jordan. I was excited to see this famous desert. In my mind, I already saw myself roasting marshmallows over a campfire, talking with others from my tour group till midnight. It would be the perfect end to a perfect day, which I'd spent exploring Petra and climbing to an illegal viewpoint. I couldn't wait to sit back and relax under an endless starry night sky.

When we arrived at our camp in Wadi Rum, I immediately knew that this was not going to be anything like the campgrounds I stayed at in the Australian Outback. Even though our travel brochure said we'd be staying in tents, we were housed in concrete housing blocks. Every apartment had a big bed and a bathroom. Nothing wrong with that, but when you're looking forward to camping underneath the stars, you don't want to spend the night in something that resembles a house this much. The adrenaline rush from climbing to Petra's illegal viewpoint disappeared the second I entered my room. I threw my luggage on one of the beds, threw myself on the other. I couldn't help but wonder what my time in Wadi Rum would look like after this disappointing start.


By the time I left my room again for dinner at the central pavilion, it was dark outside. Dark, but still there was no star to be seen. For some reason, the camp owners had put colored spotlights everywhere. Bright beams shot up at the sky. Light pollution made it impossible to see a single star, let alone the entire Milky Way. I sighed as I trudged through the sand. Loud music was playing at the pavilion and we'd barely finished dinner when a few Jordanian men invited everyone to come and dance. I felt like I was forced to enjoy an animation team's efforts as if I was on an all-inclusive holiday in Turkey. It was uncomfortable. All I wanted was to go to some quiet place and enjoy the desert's beauty. Instead, I was stuck in this overly commercialized camp. My friends in the group decided to leave the camp behind in search for stars, but I didn't go. There were dance parties all over the desert, as well as stray dogs. I like neither. I went to my room, wanting to be alone, but the thumping bass of the loud music that was played at the pavilion made it impossible for me to enjoy some quiet alone time. What was I doing here? I asked myself. How did I end up at this party camp? This was not what I wanted...

I cried that night, alone in my room. It was the only time I cried on that trip through Israel and Jordan and it didn't last very long, but it did make me realize this aspect of Wadi Rum really wasn't for me. I sat on the porch of my concrete box for a while after I'd stopped crying. Other members of our group came up to me to talk. Apparently I wasn't the only one who wasn't a fan of this 'camping trip in the desert'. I could only hope things would get better the next day, with a jeep safari planned, 

A good night's rest hadn't affected my opinion on Wadi Rum much. I spent as much time alone as possible before our jeep safari started. When it was time to leave, I climbed into the back of one of the jeeps, which turned out to be the slowest jeep I'd ever seen. We were the very last to arrive anywhere and I quickly got annoyed with our lack of speed and especially how close we were staying to civilization. The desert itself wasn't very impressive. I was told it once served as the set for Star Wars scenes, but these days it's more fit for a postapocalyptic or dystopian franchise due to the heavy plastic pollution. The highlight of this jeep safari was driving down a single sand dune. All of it was anticlimactic.


The turning point came when our group was split into two. Half went back to the camp, the other half had paid for an extended jeep safari. I was one of those who'd paid extra and that save my entire Wadi Rum experience.
I continued the safari in a faster car with a driver who understood our need for some action. He'd fall behind on the other jeeps, then slow down until my friend gave him what we called the 'speed sign'. The driver would floor it, race through the desert while I stood upright in the back of his jeep, basically tormenting the gods. The wind would tug at my hair and I'd scream for joy every time the driver swerved or flew over a minor bump in the road.

It wasn't just the increased speed that made me enjoy Wadi Rum more though. The extended safari led us further and further away from civilization. Now we got to see the desert's actual beauty, without tons of litter on the ground. We went to places that were indeed otherworldly as some places in the Star Wars franchise. I loved it there and wished I could have seen this part of the region sooner. 
Eventually the jeeps stopped near an arch. I was baffled. This wasn't just any arch, but the one you see in every single travel brochure for Jordan. I was over the moon that I actually got to see it in real life. And it got even better: I was allowed to climb it. After my little adventure in Petra, this was a piece of cake. Sitting on that arch, looking out over the desert, I felt truly blessed for getting the chance to be there.


The trip ended after a visit to another arch (which I also climbed, of course) and a visit to an ancient water well. I noticed that I didn't mind the disappointment that the previous night had been anymore, now that I'd gotten to see the desert the way I wanted to see it. We took a different route back to the camp and saw gorgeous rock formations along the way. We gave the driver the speed sign multiple times, each time enjoying it more and more. In the end, I accepted Wadi Rum for what it was: a polluted desert with too many parties to my taste. But Wadi Rum is also what you make of it: it's about climbing arches, exploring an alien world by jeep. A change in accommodation would have solved most of my issues, I now know. So no, my visit to Wadi Rum wasn't a waste of time. It was a lesson learned.

x Envy
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"You want to see the viewpoint?" My friends and I had barely made it out of the Siq, the gorge that leads to Petra's famous Treasury in Jordan, when the first Bedouin approached us to offer his services as a tour guide. "You want to go to the viewpoint?" The man pointed to the left, where we could clearly see steps leading up to the edge of the gorge.
"Do we really need a guide to get up those steps?" We discussed among ourselves in Dutch. "Isn't the viewpoint supposed to be easily accessible to tourists with a map?" We didn't understand the need for a guide to get to the viewpoint at all. Besides, we wanted to get to Ad Deir, the Monastery, as soon as possible. So we politely declined and started our hike to another famous Nabatean ruin.

A few hours later, after visits to all the main ruins, we still couldn't quite get the idea of hiring a guide to take us to the viewpoint out of our heads. We decided to do it - if the price was right.
Back at the Treasury, the three of us waited for one of the Bedouin to approach us again. The first to do so was a young guy, who can't have been much older than 16. He started at 20 dinars for the three of us. Way too much for a simple walk up some steps. After a few minutes of negotiating, we were stuck. We offered 15 dinars.
"Sixteen. I take you for sixteen."
We all looked at each other, about to walk away. "No," one of my friends said.
"No," I repeated.
"No," my other friend completed the set.
The guy sighed and gave in. "Okay. Fifteen. Come."
Happy with our deal, we followed him to the far left of the gorge in which the Treasury is located. I was still doubting if we weren't getting scammed though. Then I noticed a sign, which we completely ignored: "Exceeding this point is forbidden". What had we gotten ourselves into?


As we reached the end of the gorge, we noticed that the staircase we'd noticed was incomplete. It started a meter or so above our heads, which led us to wonder how we were supposed to get up there. The answer: we weren't. The guy showed us a rocky slope.
"Up here?" we asked, our voices full of disbelief.
"Yes. Up here. I help you."
"How am I ever going to get up there..." I whispered to myself. It seemed impossible, at least to me, but our guide had already started climbing and looked at us expectantly. So we followed him, careful not to smash our cameras to smithereens against the rocks, careful not to drop our water bottles. When our guide saw us struggling, he took our water bottles and carried them for us. He jumped from rock to rock, ledge to ledge, without a care in the world. Following was no easy feat, but he showed us where to position our hands and feet and pulled us up when we were about to fall right back down. We tried to work together as a team; there was no other way to make this trip to the viewpoint work. And just as I thought I'd gotten used to climbing up the sides of the gorge, I looked around and realized just how close I was to an untimely death.


A small ravine had opened up to the left of me. When I turned around, I got dizzy. We were high up already, to the point where one wrong step could mean the end of everything. My friends had come to the same realization. Every step, every move, every breath was filled with fear for our lives. Turning back wasn't an option though: that was at least as risky as continuing the climb.
"At least we'll get our money's worth," we kept saying. "If all three of us survive this, of course..."
I became hyper-aware of all the places where I could slip and fall. If that'd happen I'd break a few bones at the very best. That thought made me tense, which actually made it more difficult for me to focus on the climb. Fear was taking over. I had no idea how long I still had to go, if I'd be able to do. In my mind, I started apologizing to my parents for being so reckless. That's when I scraped my knee as I slid down a rock. My foot had slipped, resulting in my knee meeting the rough surface of the ledge I was trying to climb. The incident had no major consequences, except for my knee hurting like hell. There was no blood to be seen, but the pain grounded me in that moment and allowed me to focus again. Mentally, the climb became easier. Physically, it was still as hard as ever.

It seemed like we'd been climbing for ages, basically living in fear, when the terrain flattened out. Admittedly, there was still a ledge and a deadly drop right next to our path, but that didn't seem so scary anymore now that I could walk instead of climb like a discount Spider-Man. All of a sudden, we spotted a little hut, a stick with the Jordanian flag next to it: the viewpoint.
That was the moment when we realized we'd climbed to an unofficial and illegal viewpoint. Not that we cared then. We were just happy we'd survived the climb, happy to experience something both so scary and unique.


We were greeted by another Bedouin, who sold us some incredibly sweet tea. I was enjoying my adrenaline rush - until we were invited to sit on the edge of the gorge and let our feet dangle into the scary nothingness below. Now I loved the view, so I did get close to the edge... on all fours. Vertigo petrified me. Eventually I scooted towards the edge on my butt. I'd love to say I enjoyed the experience, but in reality I was leaning back as far as I possible, so I couldn't slip and slide down to my death. I can laugh about it now, and I'll never regret this dangerous adventure, but in that moment I was still afraid I was going to die.


After the initial adrenaline rush was over and all the tea was gone, we realized we now somehow had to get down to Al Khazneh again. Just like on our way up, our guide ran and jumped ahead while I was almost shitting myself. We took a slightly different route this time. Not that this made the descent any less scary: now, we had to cross a ravine on a bridge that was no more than a few planks. First our guide crossed without blinking an eye. Then my friends went after him. I was left on the other side and again, vertigo got the better of me.
"I can't do this!" I yelled.
"Come on, just run!" came the answer from the other side.
I took a deep breath and looked at the planks. What if I'd lose my balance? I did the only thing I could do to prevent myself from getting permanently stuck right then and there: I ran.
I sprinted towards the edge, planted one foot firmly in the middle of the makeshift bridge, half-jumped and landed on the other side. I felt like I'd literally ran away from my fear. I'd found my footing in the gorge and started jumping and running down the steep path now. Our guide looked at me in surprise, then concluded: "You are a sportswoman."
"Yeah." I beamed with pride. I felt so in control, so in my element. I still knew that what I was doing was reckless, but now I had faith in myself. I could do this. And so I ran, skipped, jumped, walked and slid my way down to the start of the prohibited path.


Before I knew it, all of us where standing in front of the Treasury again. I felt euphoric. Adrenaline was running through my veins agains and I couldn't contain my excitement. Okay, we had gone up a path where tourists weren't allowed to go and okay, we'd all thought we were going to die. But let's be honest, life would be awfully dull if we always played by the rules. Sometimes you need to take a risk. Walking Petra's prohibited path was one of those risks. I will never forget the fear for my life, the breathtaking view and the euphoria that followed it all.

x Envy
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"It sure is beautiful though."
"It sure is."
My friends and I were staring at the Monastery, one of the lesser-known Nabatean ruins in Petra. At that moment, we already knew our visit to the rose-red city would be the highlight of our visit to Jordan. We were also already getting ready to leave the Monastery behind though, as we had to be back at the bus at 4pm and still had an entire ancient city to explore. We quickly drank our water and started down the path of 1000 steps again. By then, only two others from the group we were traveling with had made it to Ad Deir. The thought of all those other people never seeing the Monastery made me sad. Sad and determined not to let a single second of my time in Petra go to waste.

We arrived back at the start of the climb to Ad Deir just in time for lunch - a necessary evil. Even though I was starving, I didn't enjoy the buffet much and was glad to hit the road again. The sun was now in such a position that we could take awesome pictures of the Treasury. The place was lively now, but also full of wonder. One picture wasn't enough. Two pictures weren't enough. Al Khazneh hypnotized me and I had to take picture upon picture upon picture. When I was finally happy with my shots, I put my camera down and sighed: "It sure is beautiful though."
"It sure is," my friends replied.


We continued admiring Nabatean architecture all over the valley. I was burning to a crisp, but found serious sunburn a worthy price to pay for all the adventures and beautiful sites Petra had to offer. My friends and I were like kids in a candy store.
"Look at that!"
"D'you think we could get up there?"
"We still have time to visit the Royal Tombs."
"This place is unbelievable."
"It sure is beautiful though."
"It sure is."

Time was on our side that day. We had hiked all the way to the Monastery, risked our lives for the perfect picture of the Treasury (but that's a story for another day) and still found time to walk up and down the Colonnaded Street. We paused at the Theatre, the Great Temple and Qasr al Bint. Our last stop of the day was at one of the Royal Tombs. Since my friends and I had chosen to go to the Monastery first, we'd missed out on a guided tour of this place. Missing out on it entirely was not an option though. As with our hike, we picked the wrong path at first, but eventually found ourselves inside the tombs. It was a bit on the dark side, but still light enough to see the many colors of the rock inside of which we were standing. The walls were yellow and red, the ceiling blue, white veins snaked through all colors.
"It sure is beautiful though, isn't it?"
"It sure is."


We didn't have much time left after our visit to the Royal Tombs, so we decided to head back to the Treasury and make the most of our last few minutes in the city. I bought some souvenirs and we had ice cream to make our perfect day even better. We hung around for as long as possible before we entered the Siq again with heavy hearts. I would have loved to spend another day in Petra. Even though it seemed like we'd seen everything there was to see, the little tourist map in my pocket revealed many more trails to hike. I wanted to do all of them, but had to rush back to the bus already.
We didn't hurry through the Siq when we noticed we were running a little late though. We'd had to wait for other people in the past 8 days for far dumber reasons than being enchanted by beautiful surroundings. So we walked, walked, took pictures and enjoyed every moment. Petra deserved is, because it sure is beautiful.

By the time we left the Siq, my legs were shaking with exhaustion. A handy phone app told us we'd walked over 20 kilometers that day. I couldn't walk faster than my half-crippled grandma anymore, and I wasn't the only one who was struggling at this point. Since we were already late now anyway, we took a bathroom break before going back to the bus. As we'd expected all day, we were the last to arrive there, all of 12 minutes late. The rest of the group wasn't very happy with us, but I couldn't care less. I sat down contently, still daydreaming about Petra. My friends and I looked at each other the way only people who've seen something special together can.
"Petra sure was beautiful though."
"It sure was."

x Envy
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I loved movies when I was a kid. Don't get me wrong, I still love movies, but back then movies were my life. I used to watch The Lion King and Lilo & Stitch on a daily basis. Sometimes my dad would leaf through the TV guide and mark movies I'd like. That's how I ended up watching Spirited Away at 8 years old. I had no idea what the story was about. I just liked that it wasn't in English or Dutch, so I insisted on watching the whole thing. 2 hours and 15 minutes later, which felt like 5 hours, I stumbled out of our living room, traumatized and scarred for life.

It took me a couple of years to learn about Studio Ghibli and Spirited Away's worldwide popularity - and that the movie wasn't really meant for 8-year-olds. The damage was already done though. I always had the plan to watch the movie again, but just thinking about it made me highly uncomfortable. I'm talking about the sweaty armpits and extreme jumpiness kind of uncomfortable. Even a gif could turn my stomach into a big ball of nerves - which is unfortunate, because a gif of No Face at a ridiculously large buffet is very popular among bloggers on Twitter.
I knew I needed to face this fear at some point, but I avoided it as long as possible. I probably would've put it off forever if my boyfriend hadn't had the DVD, still in plastic. When he said he hadn't watched it, I said something which still surprises me: "Let's watch it right now."


Even before we hit 'play', I regretted my decision. I didn't remember the main character Chihiro's name, but I did recall that her parents turned into pigs because they ate food in some mysterious place after taking a wrong turn. As a child, this seemed like something that could very well happen to my parents too. Silly as it may sound, that fear was still with me when I rewatched the opening scenes. While my boyfriend laughed and the dated and clumsy CGI, I became tense and quite paranoid. This fear had nothing to do with finding something a little unsettling, it was fear in its most primal form. It was fighting my fight-or-flight instinct with all my power. I kept reminding myself that the plot wasn't scary at all. In fact, I even remembered the end of the movie. Still I was feeling very uncomfortable as I watched Chihiro enter the spirit world. The dark shadow figures moving about in food stalls made me want to scream. Then the pig scene came and I wanted to scream even louder. And then, suddenly, the panic and fear were gone. Because honestly, Spirited Away isn't scary. It's weirdly interesting.

After Chihiro's parents turn into pigs, she finds her way to a bathhouse for spirits. A boy named Haku smuggles her inside, where humans aren't allowed to come. Chihiro manages to get a job in the bathhouse, bathing spirits. Yubaba, the owner of the bathhouse, takes power over the girl by taking her name away. After this, she goes by Sen, and I lost all track of the main storyline. There are spirits jumping into the frame from all sides, there's an enormous baby that turns into a hamster and an evil twin who turns out not to be evil and the good twin was actually evil? Do you understand my confusion?


If we strip all the confusing elements away, we're looking at the story of a little girl who's fighting for her and her parents' freedom so they can go home. It's the most basic explanation I have to offer and it doesn't really do the movie justice. I think that the core of the story is what kept my fear going for so long. Like I said before, I was convinced this could happen to me too. Getting stuck in a bathhouse and having to save my parent's was too much for me. Strangely, that seems to be the only thing that really scared me about Spirited Away. Watching it now, I couldn't be bothered by the plot at all.

To be honest, I don't think the plot is the movie's strongest point. No Face seems to have little to do with Chihiro's mission. Neither does the stink spirit who's Sen's first customer. Watching Spirited Away feels like watching a TV series that has a little adventure for each episode and in the end the main issue gets resolved without any clear progress being shown in the middle of the season. So no, I don't think the plot makes the movie as great as many say it is. Something that made the movie extra terrifying to eight year old me does: the art and character design. Those pigs, I'm telling you, look pretty damn realistic. The spirits are based on Japanese yokai, the reason why a lot of them reference things my western brain doesn't understand. All the spirits are some kind of easter egg, which I don't understand, but I like them anyway for how realistic and mysterious they look. The classic Ghibli style works so well with these creatures. I could gush about this style for ages and I love to draw some yokai from the movie every now and then myself.


By the time the movie came to an end way sooner than I expected, I was surprised to find myself relaxed and happy. I knew I'd never become a Spirited Away fangirl though, because of the messy plot and the many references I didn't get. I like my plots to be clear, even when they're a chronological mess. There just has to be a clear goal and a path that leads to it. Spirited Away kind of shits on that concept, but it does other things really well. There are tons of easter eggs for people familiar with Japanese culture. I also absolutely loved reading up on all the theories and symbolism in the movie. I appreciate the character design more than ever. So despite my childhood trauma, I'm glad I've seen Spirited Away at two such different points in my life. It didn't just make my second time watching way more interesting, it also made me notice and appreciate the little details and subtleties I couldn't process at eight years old. Maybe I should watch the movie again in another 13 years for a proper review. For now I'm more than happy to end this mess of a blog post by saying that I've fallen in love with the Ghibli art style. Spirited Away inspired me to step outside of my comfort zone in both my art and my writing. I truly hope you enjoy my efforts, now and in the future.

x Envy
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About me


Envy. Dutch blogger. Est. 1996. No relation to the famous biblical sin. Worst bio writer on this side of the blogospere. Lives on cookies, apple juice and art. Friendly unless confronted with pineapple on pizza. Writes new nonsense every Thursday.

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