Lost in Translation: March 2016

"Narwhals narwhals

Swimming in the ocean

Causing a commotion

Cuz they are so awesome"

Yeah, I drew a narwhal

I don't sing very often, but when I do I sometimes find myself singing what I simply call 'the narwhal song'. I've been doing so for years now. Sometimes I wouldn't sing or think about it for months, sometimes it'd be stuck in my head for days at a time. The song reminds me of the days when 30 high school sophomores would belt out the narwhal song in each and every class.

"Hey Envy, did you know there's an animal called narwhal?"

I looked up from my book to see my classmate Britt grin with excitement. For a second I didn't know what to do. Did she expect a serious answer or was this just another attempt at nerd shaming? Maybe it was, but my inner Hermione couldn't stop herself from saying: "Yeah, it's a marine mammal."

"I know! Well, now I know. I thought they didn't exist because they have, like, a horn. Like a unicorn!"

"Yeah, I know."

Britt's face fell. "Am I the only one who thought they were fake?"

"What's fake?" someone on the other side of the classroom asked.

"Narwhals! But they aren't fake! They exist!"

"What's a narwhal?"

Soon everyone was discussing whether or not these sea unicorns existed.

"They're real,' I told my classmates, but since I was the least popular kid within a five mile radius, no one listened to me. Google had to be consulted. And that was only the beginning...

Some of my friends are cat people. Some are dog people. Some are just overall animal people. Not me. At first I seem that stone-cold chick who doesn't like any animals. Secretly I love elephants though. And pandas. But mostly narwhals, because of the things that happened in the next couple of days after Britt's discovery of narwhals.

"There is a song,"Britt announced.
"A song?" I asked.
"About narwhals."
"Really?" I asked about too loud. We were studying in the library (well, I was) and the general rule of the librarians was the every decibel was one decibel too much.
"SHHHHHHT!" we heard from the
"Really?" I said again, not as loud this time.
"Yeah really. There's even an hour long version."
"Found it," one of the guys from our class said. He sat at the table next to us, intently staring at his phone. "This is weird."
"Let me see," Britt said. He handed her the phone and soon Britt was trying not to laugh out loud. "Oh man, this is great. They call narwhals are the Jedi of the sea!"

We sang the narwhal song in class. First Britt and I. Then the next time we sang it, more people joined in. After a few days everyone in our class knew the narwhal song, everyone knew about the animal, everyone loved it. After a week, we decided that the narwhal was now our official class mascot. Narwhals were now property of Class 10A and Class 10B and 10C were to stay away from them and pick their own mascot, which never would be as awesome as ours.
One day a guy in our class even decided to temporarily change his name to Narwhal. We thought it was cool - our English teacher, who had to find out who'd written Narwhal on their test.

All of a sudden the narwhal craze was over again. Just like all the other high school obsessions it disappeared as fast as it had come. If you'd asked my former classmates today if they know the narwhal song, they'd probably ask you what that is. Not me though. Because some times when I'm happy, I hum the song that brought class 10A together for the first (and sadly also the last) time. It was one of the best things that happened in high school. It's a weird story, but also a story that will never fail to make me feel good. I don't think I'll ever stop singing the narwhal song. Even though it's overexcited and crazy. Will you sing along with me?

Stay Awesome!

3 Fellow Ramblers

'Do you really want to do this?' I asked on Saturday morning.
My reflection in the mirror didn't answer. She just looked at my dark blue tights and the big white star on my chest with eyes full of doubt.It was Dutch Comic Con day and I was going to be one of those cosplaying weirdos - if I could find the courage to leave the house looking like a gender-bent Captain America.

From Envy's Make it Happen List
#28: Go to Comic Con
Status: Awesomeness achieved

My reflection looked tired and insecure. I'd barely slept that night. Around 3am I'd woken up, thinking it was time to go to Utrecht for a day full of awesomeness, only to find out it was still the middle of the night...
My insecurity was killing me: I'd wanted to do a Captain America cosplay for ages, but now that I had a suit and an opportunity, I was afraid people would laugh at me. For a minute I considered letting go of the cosplay idea. Then I realized the acne gods had blessed me with an almost clear skin for once. That had to be a sign: I had to do it. Five minutes later I put on my gloves and my sorta-kinda combat boots, walked to the bus stop and didn't look back.

Okay, to be honest, I felt uncomfortable in my blue tights until my friend Alethea and I got on the train to Utrecht, where Dutch Comic Con takes place. Suddenly I wasn't the only overexcited costumed geek anymore. All conversations in our part of the train were either about superheroes, or about Harry Potter. It only got better when we arrived at Utrecht Central Station. I spotted my first Deadpool there and for some reason also the Blues Brothers. It was great, especially because my Captain America suit turned out to be one of the more normal and less slutty outfits at the con. Seriously, before we'd even entered the place we'd already seen the first piece of underwear peeking out from under a piece of cloth that was supposed to be a pair of shorts.

Actually entering Comic Con was a bit of a hassle. Not just because a few hundred geeks all wanted to get in as soon as possible, but also because every single bag and cosplay prop had to be checked. After what happened in Brussels, which isn't all that far away, the organization didn't want to take any risks. I can't blame them. It took some time to get through security, but with so many awesome costumes all around us the wait was pretty great. Especially when a guy dressed as Wolverine started talking to us because of my costume. At that moment I was really glad I'd stuck to my plan of cosplaying.

It was around 10am when we officially entered the con. After that moment I lost all track of time. It was like entering a parallel universe. Before I knew what was going on, I was dragged to the Captain America: Civil War stand, where we had out picture taken - in front of the Team Iron Man background. It's probably the most original picture those people took of Marvel fans all day: three Iron Man fangirls and a very awkward and unhappy looking female Captain America.
The merchandise hall felt like my new home. I couldn't stop staring at all the awesome (and extremely pricy) merchandise. In the end I only bought a Deadpool and a Star Lord post card to decorate my wall with. Sure, post cards from places I've been are cool, but who wouldn't want to see Star Lord give them the finger when they open their eyes in the morning?

I should probably also tell you about these little blue surprise bags they sold at the con. The idea was great: pick a bag from your favorite franchise and get some surpise merchandise. It was almost like a subscription box and since I just love those I had to get one of these. Sadly I ended up with even more Iron Man stuff. Apparently the universe didn't get the message that I'm Team Cap all the way... Alethea's luck was worse than mine: she got corn chips (I ate all of them on the way back home).

I spent most of my time looking at other people. The costumes were just amazing. Apart from slutty Mario and Luigi, I loved almost all of them. But I loved the whole cosplay thing even more when a girl came up to me and said: 'Your costume is so cute!' It made my day, it really did.

While I was happily watching other people look awesome, my friend was more focused on getting to a Q&A with Seth Gilliam on time. I had no idea who that was, but I figured I should go with her for the full Comic Con experience. I was not disappointed. I had seen neither of the two series he answered questions about, but he turned the Q&A into a real performance. It was also funny that Teen Wolf fangirls took the Q&A almost completely over before the Walking Dead fans stepped in. It almost seemed like a competition from that moment on: which fandom could ask the most questions?

After the Q&A my friend wanted to go to some sneak preview kind of thing for a series called Outcast. I let her go on her own; I wasn't interested and my social meter was running dangerously low. You see, I can be very social for an hour or two, three maybe. But after five hours, I really need some alone time.
I checked the merchandise hall out one more time, then sat down near the Civil War stand and watched Comic Con happen. That was one of the greatest things I did all day. I saw Iron Man flirt with a female Venom, Darth Vader kept dropping his light saber and even Sans from Undertale was there. Five Nights at Freddy's cosplays walked past me, followed by Batman and at least six Deadpools. Every time I thought I'd seen it all, another person in an awesome costume came along. It was geek heaven.

By the end of the day my mind was blown. I was exhausted, my feet hurt and I hadn't drunk a thing because I was too busy being excited, but it was all worth it. For once I felt at home. For once I felt like I could fit in. It was the best feeling ever.

Stay Awesome!

8 Fellow Ramblers

12 Fellow Ramblers

"I have a confession to make: I am unhappy."

With those words I started telling the world about my 100 Happy Days Challenge. I'd decided I needed to change my mindset. Now here I am, 100 days later. Those 100 days went by much faster than I expected them to. They weren't all happy, but looking back at my Instagram page I can't believe how much has happened over the past three months.

At first I shared simple little pictures like these. Some days I was very happy, but didn't know how to show that. I usually ended up sharing pictures of small things. Maybe that was also because I felt there were no "big" happy things happening to me. That changed over the course of my challenge. I started doing things that scared me, like driving someone else's car, making a vlog and posting selfies. I found happiness in those things - and at that point I was only 30 days in.

I was doing very well - until Valentine's Day came around. I didn't take it being alone all that well and ended up hating myself for a week or two. It would have been a good moment to throw in the towel, call it quits. I didn't. Even though I was in a dark place for a few days here and there, there was always something to light up the darkness. Cake, pretty balloons, the local supermarket selling mango lassi. The 100 Happy Days Challenge helped me see how much those tiny things mattered.

Once I'd picked up my pieces halfway through the challenge, I discovered something new that I absolutely love now: art journalling. I'd been flirting with it for a few months in 2014, but during the aftermath of my Valentine's Day breakdown I fell in love with it. Ever since then I've been making wanderlust themed art journal pages. These are my favorites. When I move out I want to make huge prints of these two pages and put them on my living room wall.

So yes, I haven't been happy all throughout my 100 Happy Days Challenge. In my defense, it's impossible for humans not to experience any negative feelings for such a long time. And without the lows, the highs wouldn't be so high either. After a little over three months of spamming my Instagram followers with mostly snapshots of random objects, I can say I'm much happier than at the start of the challenge. I've found parts of myself that I wouldn't have found if I'd given up in February. It hasn't been an easy journey, but it was worth it. Now it's time to move on to the next one and see where life takes me.

Stay Awesome!

10 Fellow Ramblers

If you could look inside my head, I think you'd see a whirlwind of thoughts. Memories, ideas, plans, comments, lists. There's never a quiet moment in my head. Usually I don't mind, but sometimes my head is so full of (negative) thoughts that I forget who I am. I can literally lose myself in those thoughts in a matter of seconds. The opposite also happens: I can get completely swept away by five different projects at the same time. I'm a girl of big hopes, dreams and goals, but trying to achieve all of them at the same time is insane.

When either of these things happen, I need something to stay focused on who I am, what I want to achieve in life and what's most important to me. What's a better way to remind myself of those things than a vision board?

After a long day at my internship school, I decided to let my homework be for once and create a vision board. I printed a bunch of pretty pictures, cut them out and tried to turn them into one big beautiful reminder of what I want to do with my life. Making this thing was like art journaling on a big scale, which means it was far from easy. It might look a little messy, or completely random, but each picture has a special meaning to it. A meaning I'd love to share with you.

The center piece of my vision board had to be this quote, the Holstee manifesto. My internship school has one wall completely covered with it. At first I didn't like it at all. It was too big. But then parts of it caught my eye. Somehow this quote always tells me exactly what I need to hear. When I was doubting long and hard about applying for a summer program in India, the line "Some opportunities only come once, seize them" caught my eye. So in times of need, I let my eyes wander over the quote and read the first line that draws my attentions, It always makes me feel better.

This picture inspires me maybe the most of all pictures on my vision board. Superwoman is basically the reason I made this things. After seeing hers in her vlog, I decided I wanted to make one too. If it weren't for her, I never would have uploaded my vlogs on YouTube. When I uploaded "Why I Don't Do Vlogs" one of my friends joked that I'd be vlogging with Lilly in no time. It might have been a joke, but an inspiring one. My vision board wouldn't be complete without Superwoman.

Most of the pictures of faraway places are reminders of my dream to travel the world. The Egyptian picture is one of them, just like the one of the Jesus statue in Rio de Janeiro, the Chinese building and the South-East Asian temple. This one isn't. You see, I go to college to become a high school teacher, but I'm not 100% sure if that's what I want to do with my life. I love German, I love teaching, but the idea of doing it for years on end scares the living daylight out of me. I wouldn't want to be stuck in the Netherlands for all those years. Luckily I've heard you can teach German abroad too, in Singapore nonetheless. The thought of teaching there keeps me going when things get rough in college.

One thing I'll never stop dreaming about is making this blog big. I'll work hard and do whatever it takes, because I'm pretty sure that blogging is the love of my life. I'm nowhere near my goal now, but when I see people with a big following I get extremely motivated.

I'm also still dreaming of writing and publishing a book. Not necessarily this one, but I'd love to see A Vampire's Mistake in print. Its characters are my personal favorites and writing the main character is just so much fun. It's also the only writing project I've ever really shared with the world. You can find the first two chapters right here on my blog!

Elephants seem to be one of the completely random elements on my vision board, but let me tell you, there's a reason why they're here. I love elephants. I don't know why, probably because I didn't have a teddy bear as a kid but a tiny yellow elephant. They're my favorite animals on the planet. One day I want to go to an elephant orphanage like my parents did years ago and feed one of the baby elephants. I'll have to go to the other side of the globe for it, but it'll be worth it.

Now this picture and the little red leaf are both just reminders of how beautiful our planet is. I'm a bit of a tree hugger and think that we should all do whatever we can to keep our planet alive. It doesn't sound cool at all, but trees are the best.

Then there's this one left. It easily could've been one of my travel reminders, but it's not. When I was younger I never even thought of going to India. Let me tell you a secret: I hated the country. Their Incredible India commercials interrupted my sports program on the Eurosport channel every five minutes and five-year-old me did not appreciate that. I honestly felt like the country had done me wrong. Almost 15 years later I can't wait to visit India though. Not just India, all of South Asia seems so be calling me now. There are some amazing people over there whom I'd love to meet as soon as possible.

Over the next couple of weeks, years even, I'll probably add more and more pictures to my vision board. It keeps me focused, it keeps me motivated, it keeps me grounded. It's exactly what I need at times.
What would be on your vision board? Make sure to let me know!

Stay Awesome!

14 Fellow Ramblers

11 Fellow Ramblers

Hey there!

It's Envy here. Remember me? I was that Dutch girl who had no idea what to do with her blog during her first two years in the blogosphere. My posts weren't that great, yet I hope you still remember me. 'Cause once upon a time, I considered you my blog buddy.

Starting a blog isn't easy. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of blogs that were all so much better than mine, I felt so alone...
Then you were there. It started with a follow and a nice comment. Soon we commented on almost all of each other's posts. We collabed, found new blogs together, helped each other out. But then, one day, you were gone.

I can't remember when I realized you were gone. Your posts came less frequent, you tweeted less and you weren't the first to comment on my posts anymore. Eventually there was a goodbye post, if I'm not mistaken... It broke my heart a little. Seeing that you deactivated your blog altogether made it even worse. The blogosphere isn't the same without you...

Now I guess you're quite surprised to see me write this. I can't blame you. Who in their right mind values an online friendship so much that they're still thinking about it months, years later even? Apparently, I do. Because people online can affect our lives just as much as the people we see at work, in college or in school every day. They can make you feel appreciated. They can make you feel part of something bigger than you. That's exactly what you did for me. I've learned a lot from our friendship and I'm very grateful for that.

Quite frankly, I don't think I'll forget about you anytime soon. Sometimes I find myself looking at flowers, thinking about how much you like those. Or I hear music that I know you'd like. It still reminds me of you. It's weird to think that I'm planning to travel the world, so one day I'll visit the place where you live, yet I won't ever meet you. Maybe if you'd stayed around... Now I'll visit your country, wondering if I just walked straight past you - if you're still living in the same place. Fact is that I don't know where you are now, or what you do. But when I see or hear or smell something I know you would have liked, I hope you're in a good place. I hope you're still chasing your dreams. I hope you're never giving up on them. Most of all, I hope you're happy. You might not be part of the blogosphere anymore, but you're still part of this awesome world. So I hope you make the most out of your life, wherever you might be today.

Stay Awesome!

12 Fellow Ramblers

10 Fellow Ramblers

I love the internet. I love how it gets me in touch with awesome people from all over the world, I love how it lets me speak my mind, but most of all, I love the opportunities it gives me.

Recently I found out about a flash fiction writing contest. I'd never written flash fiction before, but the theme was right up my alley: write whatever you want as long as it's at least slightly creepy.

On New Year's Eve, with still a month to go until the deadline, I started writing. It was a lot harder than I expected: because it was a flash fiction competition, I couldn't use more than 750 words to tell my story. It was a challenge, a huge challenge. To keep myself going, I asked my best friend if he could read it for me before I submitted it. I thought that would keep me motivated, but it had the opposite effect. By asking him to read it first, I put a lot of pressure on myself since his opinion is one of the few opinions I really care about.

For a while I let my piece of flash fiction rest. I'd hit a dead end and the pressure made me nervous. Then one day in early February I found the right words to continue my story - and found out I'd missed my deadline... Yes, I know. Not very smart. In the end, I do want to share my stories with the world, so I present you: my non-submitted entry

Candelabra

‘Tamara?’

The shadow of a tall figure fell on Tamara’s book. She looked up into the bright sunlight. It almost blinded her. The person in front of her was barely more than a shadow in the bright light. She had to squint to see their face.

‘Wanna hang out after school?’

She recognized the hum of Nicolas’ deep voice. It surprised her; Nicolas rarely spoke to anyone.

‘Sure,’ she said with a smile. ‘I’d love to.’

After school Tamara walked home with Nicolas. She almost had to run to keep up with his long strides and he barely seemed to notice her. She started to wonder why he’d asked her to hang out if he wasn’t going to talk to her.

After a ten-minute walk that seemed to be an eternity spent in awkward silence, Nicolas nodded toward a house on the corner of the street. ‘Over there,’ was all he said. Then, after a short silence, he added: ‘My parents aren’t home.’

Tamara fiddled with her necklace as she followed Nicolas up to the front door. The situation made her nervous. Her heart was beating at full speed. It felt like it was about to explode. She stayed outside as Nicolas entered the house. It was one of the tiny old houses on the outskirts of Pendant Pond. She’d always liked these houses. Her grandparents lived in one and their house was always warm and welcoming. This house was different. All the curtains were drawn. It didn’t look like people were living in it. The house gave off all the wrong kinds of vibes.

‘Come in,’ Nicolas said. He smiled a smile that made Tamara’s knees go weak. She pushed her doubts aside and followed Nicolas into the house, up the stairs, to his room.

Nicolas’ room was up in the attic. It took a while for Tamara’s eyes to adjust, but when they finally did, she wished they hadn’t.

Tamara found herself in a room that hadn’t seen sunlight in ages, a room with dark red walls devoid of any decoration, a room full of skulls. Their empty eye sockets followed her wherever she went in the cramped space. Nicolas used them as candle holders: there was a dripping candle on each of them. A shiver went down Tamara’s as spine as Nicolas lit the candles one by one.

‘Do you like them?’ he asked with his back turned to her. ‘I make them myself.’

Tamara didn’t know what to say. The flickering candlelight made her even more uncomfortable. The skulls seemed to have come to life in the dim-lit room.

‘I’m hoping to make a candelabra soon,’ Nicholas continued. ‘But it’ll take a while. First I need to find the perfect skulls. Get them dry, make sure there’s no skin or tissue left on the bone…’ He turned back to Tamara, who hadn’t been able to keep a straight face anymore. ‘Sorry, did that gross you out?’

‘A little,’ Tamara admitted.

He came closer, reached out for her hand. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.’

‘It’s okay,’ she wanted to say, but he’d softly kissed her before she could. She noticed his right hand moving through her hair, his fingers softly tracing the line of her head. His left hand trailed over her cheekbones, then down to her chin. ‘You have a beautiful bone structure.’

Tamara’s stomach did a back-flip. But to her surprise, it wasn’t a back-flip of joy. She’d always liked Nicholas. She’d thought this was what she wanted, but now that she had it, it felt all wrong. Very wrong. She pushed Nicholas away a little. ‘So…’ she said, grasping at straws for something to say. ‘These candleholders… How do you make them exactly?’

Nicolas eyes twinkled, as if he’d been waiting for her to ask. ‘Like this.’ He produced a butcher’s knife out of thin air.

Tamara’s eyes went wide. ‘Nicolas, n-‘

Nicolas didn’t listen. He put the knife against her throat and slit it with one swift movement. Blood splattered against the wall, where it became one with the paint, while Nicolas separated Tamara’s head from her neck. It was all over before her final scream left her lips.

A full story in under 750 words. It's far from easy, but I'll never regret accepting the challenge.

Stay Awesome!

6 Fellow Ramblers

8 Fellow Ramblers

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