There is a big part of me that really wants to start this blog post with some double entendre (yay, for being dirty-minded!), but I have decided to keep things nice and chirpy today. You see, things are looking up for me at the moment. I still don't know where my life is going, but at least I'm feeling much better. On the rare moments when I do sink back into a black pit of sadness, people like Becky from The Owlet save me by, for example, tagging me in the Self Love Tag, which is actually about appreciating yourself. Even though I'd told myself I wouldn't do tags anymore, but I couldn't say 'no' to this one; I needed some positivity.
It was a little difficult tag for me to write though. Apart from the name that makes me think of different things, I can't help but singing 'YOU SHOULD GO AND LOVE YOURSELF' while writing this post (yes, all caps were necessary because I only have one volume on the rare occasion that I sing and that's loud). Anyway, I feel like I'm getting way of topic, so I'll just get to listing the rules and answering some questions.
The Rules:
1. Answer all the questions honestly (damn, there goes my plan of making it all up)2. Tag five people who you want to bring a bit of happiness to (can't I bring them pizza instead?)
What is something that is getting you down at the moment?
The way my ex-boyfriend and I split up - over text, without giving ourselves the chance to talk our problems out. I know that his mental health made it difficult to be in a relationship and I was breaking down mentally as well, but the way we ended it was just... wrong. I regret that breakup in every single way and would change it if I could. I hate knowing I made a mistake I can't fix right now.
What is something that makes you happy?
Daydreaming makes me so happy. I love to revisit places like Edinburgh and Antwerp while sitting on the couch with a cup of tea on rainy days, or plan future trips in the garden with travel brochures all around me. Daydreams are where my blog posts, novel ideas and plans for the future come from.
Name 3 guilty pleasures!
1) Music by De Jeugd Van Tegenwoordig. I started listening ironically, as a true hipster, but ended up actually liking bits and pieces...2) Trash tv such as Wicked Tuna. Brainless binge watching at its best.
3) Fake ghost hunting videos on YouTube. Pure genius to see people pretend they saw a ghost while they clearly didn't and can't act.
What is something about yourself you'd like to improve on?
I'd love to spend less time thinking about things I can't change. I spend too much time thinking and overanalyzing my feelings. The latter is a result of therapy and will probably come to an end some time in the future, but for now it's really frustrating to know that your mind is messing with you, yet you can't make it stop quite yet.
When was the last time you belly laughed?
I used to do that a lot in October, but it's become a lot less frequent since then. Last time was exactly one week ago. I was watching the Dutch version of Ink Master and one of the tattoo artists was wearing a tiny sun hat. I don't know why, but grown men in floppy hats make me laugh out loud for ages. Every time this guy was on screen I burst out laughing and I'm not ashamed to admit that I fell off my chair and rolled over the floor laughing.
What is your biggest insecurity/fear?
My biggest fear is that I'll never find someone to share my life with. I'm a hopeless romantic pretending to be a pessimistic cynic, so there's that... True love and all that ish, my inferiority complex keeps telling me I'm not good enough for that and I'll never find it.
Name a song that always cheers you up when you're down.
Recently that's been Sterrenstof by De Jeugd Van Tegenwoordig. Before that it was a song called Free by Emeli Sandé. Half Moon Bay by Train always did the trick when I was in high school. I could go on like this for a while, hahaha.
Name 3 things you like about yourself
1) My creativity; I don't think I'd be writing this if I didn't have that. It's made life much more fun.
2) My desire to make a difference in this world; I don't know how to actually make that difference, but I can work on that.3) My hair; all my friends hated my hair when I was growing up, but I quite like it now that I'm grown-up and don't care about high school friends' opinions.
What is an achievement that has made you proud of yourself this year?
I finally saved enough money to be able to become an investor. I've been working hard for the past couple of years to save up for trips to the other side of the world. I had to put travelling on the backburner because of college trouble, so the money was just there, not being used. Now I invest in small businesses in Cambodia, Ghana and Colombia. It makes me proud to see that I'm financially stable enough to be an investor and help people in faraway countries with my savings.
Tell us your happiest memory.
Most of my happiest memories took place in Novato, California. Looking back on them now, it's difficult to pick just one, but walking to the pool with my friends and seeing a group of deer cross the street a few meters away is a memory that always makes me happy. It's a small but special one.So there you have it. A little happiness, a tiny bit of sadness, and one rule left to follow: I hereby tag Kanra, Kathie K, Jerneja, The Girl with an Accent and Louise. Now you go and love yourself! (And yes you may take that whichever way you want.)
x Envy
