The Dating App Diaries: Charmed by Mr. Not-So-Charming

by - 11:26 AM

Dating apps have always freaked me out. In my early teens I thought they were for creepy people who were too ugly to get a dat. Now I think I won't I won't find anyone who could be interested in me through an dating app because I'm not pretty enough. Turns out I was wrong. Very wrong. Then in the end, wrong once again...


A couple of days after installing Happn and completely blowing my chance with my first match, I received a Charm from a guy called Jay. A Charm is Happn's way of making sure someone notices you, whereas a Crush stays secret until you turn out to be a match.
This Charm came as a complete surprise. I took a look at Jay's profile and even though I wasn't very impressed, I became very interested in the type of guy that would send me a charm. Out of curiosity I turned the Charm into a match. I was nervous, but told myself he wouldn't talk to me anyway. So far none of my matches had talked to me. This guy was different though. Jay started talking right away. Whenever the conversation almost ended, he asked me a question and kept things going. He laughed a lot and things seemed to be going pretty well. He also had the annoying habit of saying 'mah' instead of 'my', but I let it go. I wasn't in the position to be picky. Besides, Jay was nice. That was more important than the way he spelled a possessive pronoun.

'How are things between you and Jay?' one of my friends asked a week later. I'd told my friends everything, but after a couple of days Jay and I had stopped talking and I had no news for my friends. Until that afternoon, when he gave me his number...

Jay and I started talking on Whatsapp. I was flattered that he had given me his number, but something was different now. I didn't really feel comfortable. He laughed at the things I said. Non of those things were meant as jokes, they were all serious. I really felt like I was being laughed at when I talked to him. Then all of a sudden he started wondering why I was still single, because I wasn't, and I quote, "all that bad". He asked if he could see one more picture of me. I didn't really have a problem with that, but after two hours of scrolling I realized I had only three pictures of myself on my phone. Taking a new one right then and there wasn't an option, since I looked exhausted, so I sent him a picture of me in front of the Brandenburger Tor from when I was in Berlin. These were the messages he then sent me, after a very long pause:
"Oh... Okay..."
A short pause.
"You're definitely not a model, that's for sure."
After a very long silence that told me his next words were a complete lie, he texted: "I don't really think you're ugly..."
Really, Jay? After so much disappointment in that first text, I didn't have to read between the lines of the other texts to know what he really thought of me. I asked him if we could talk about something else, but suddenly he was busy with work for college. Sure. I blocked him, deleted his number and moved on. But my self esteem went down the drain once again.

Two weeks later, as I was reading a book on the bus, I noticed someone was watching me. Sneakily I stole a glance from behind my book. I almost burst out laughing.
It was Jay, who didn't look much like his profile picture. He had less hair and more skin problems. Oh, and he was about seven centimeters shorter than me - and I'm a hobbit already.
At college I laughed about the whole experience with my friends, but couldn't really shake it off. I started doubting myself again. If I wasn't even good enough for a guy like that, would I ever find someone?

To Be Continued...

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22 Fellow Ramblers

  1. Your dating app diaries series are really brightening my day! I've never tried dating apps, and don't think i will soon, but your experiences sound pretty... interesting :)

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    1. I'm so glad to hear that! If there's no reason for you to try a dating app, don't do it. It's interesting but not as much fun as some people make it seem

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  2. These are so interesting to read! You are gorgeous and wonderful and don't let anyone tell you differently.
    peridotcove.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you! I've let everyone tell me those things, which is why I don't have any self esteem left, I'm afraid...

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  3. What are the chances of sighting him on a bus? That's such a wild coincidence! You'll find a guy one day that has eyes only for you, and is such an incredible person that you'll understand why it never worked out with anyone else! I get that when your friends have boyfriends and these extravagant stories to constantly share, and you might not have one, you might feel down but I believe every pot has its lid, and yours is out there. At least you're putting yourself out there; That takes courage and something you should be proud of!

    I love this series <3

    Steph

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    1. The chances was always there, because the app locates other people near you who also use the app. So I knew I could run into him, but I didn't really expect it to happen. It was more awkward for him than for me actually.
      I don't know if there's someone out there for me, but at least I'm trying, haha. At least I have some interesting stories to share here now.

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  4. I absolutely love this series! That is a very cool coincidence. I personally think you are a amazing and I think all of your other readers think the same thing. You are definitely beautiful and you have an amazing mind. I love your blog!

    Nabila // Hot Town Cool Girl

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    1. Yay, it's so good to hear you like the series and my blog! My readers agree with you, but the male population of this planet? We'll have to see about that :P

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  5. I think you really dodged a bullet, finding out what Jay was like before you wasted any more time on him.. I can see why HE's still single. Don't you love how the ugliest guys tend to be the pickiest?

    Don't take his comment about your photo seriously. This guy who sounds like he looks like a reject vegetable has no authority on looks. From the photos I've seen of you, you're no way ugly, and you definitely don't want a guy who wants to go out with a model, whilst looking like a used ass-wipe himself. The problem isn't that you weren't good enough for him, HE's not good enough for you! Don't be disheartened, you will find someone, but online dating has such a convenience, superficial nature that it might take a while to find someone actually decent..

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    1. Sometimes you need to hear something from a 'stranger' to believe something. At least that's what happened when I read your comment: my friends said I was lucky to get out of this without having to meet him, but when I read your comment it hit me for real. It would've been so much worse if I'd met him and ended up going on several dates. It would have been so nasty...
      I laughed out loud when you called him a used ass-wipe. Thanks for your kind words and thanks for making me laugh :)

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  6. wow i can 100% see why he's single. i just find it ironic how he called you ugly, when???? But of course you're in no way ugly, I think he was just an a**. But it's wonderful that you laughed about it later, this kind of crap shouldn't get to you.

    ~Noor

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    1. Those are almost the exact same words one of my friends used. Not a surprise he didn't find anyone through that app (he deleted it after giving me his number). It actually got to me and I'm trying to give it a place now. I took a hit here and I took it hard, but I'll be fine soon enough :)

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  7. I could not BELIEVE this story! What a thing to say to a girl! The last sentence of this post really went through me like a knife, because I've had similar thoughts so many times, but also because I know the truth: that society encourages us to base our self-worth off the opinions of others. Society tells you that the nasty comments of one boy like Jay define who you are. THIS IS NOT THE CASE and I hope you can see that. I know how it feels when your friends/other girls tell you you're beautiful and you're like, "you don't count! I just want a boyfriend!", but (and I'm saying this without really knowing you at all, but hey ho) you are beautiful and I hope you can see that soon. DO NOT LISTEN TO JAY. I've said to a million friends, I don't doubt I'll say it to a million others: when someone lashes out at you, it's 99% likely it's because of THEIR issues rather than yours. Jay is presumably insecure about his own looks, so he wants to neg girls, so that they will crave his approval, rather than judging him themselves. STAY STRONG! <3

    PS thank you for visiting Ink, Inc.! <3 <3

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    1. You better believe it, it all happened.
      I'm trying to see that his opinion doesn't define who I am, but many share his opinion. That makes it very difficult at times. And yes, I always tell my friends it doesn't count when they say I'm pretty, hahaha. I mean, they're my friends, that's what they're supposed to do :P
      I think this guy couldn't get girls in high school because he's so small. He probably wanted to feel better about himself by downloading that app in the first place, but he only had two matches total; one of them was mine and I only did that because I was so curious :P

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  8. Oh my GOSH, I loving your blog already. As for Jay, what the actual eff? Even if you were quasimodo, which clearly from your profile pic you are certainly NOT, who says stuff like that to someone? I'm incredulous. Somewhere in that dude's house is a magic mirror that's lying to him. You're too good for a douche like that, good riddance to him. You're coincidence shouldn't take a hit because of some dd delusional f***tard who needs a new prescription for some glasses.

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    1. Thank you so much!
      Apparently this dude thought it was completely normal to say stuff like that. I wish him luck finding a date on any app or in any real life scenerio, because if he's like that with everyone he's not going to get far. My confidence did take a hit though... but it'll be fine soon enough :)

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  9. Also that was meant to say CONFIDENCE, screw you swype.:)

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    1. Hahaha, I got it. We all make stupid mistakes thanks to swype and autocorrect every now and then ;)

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  10. Thank you for sharing this story with us! It was good to read and had a lot of insight but that guy, what's his deal?

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    1. I don't know what his deal was and I don't evne want to know! Probably just stuck-up or something. It made for a good story though :P

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  11. OMG That is too crazy and funny! What a jerk though to act like he needed to state that you weren't exactly a model and then to see him later in person and realize he was nothing like his photos. I honestly can't believe guys act like this.

    Single Vegas Girl
    http://singlevegsgirl.blogstpo.com

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    1. Most days I can laugh about this experience, but at the time I was really badly hurt. I still see this guy every now and then on the bus and he's so not like his pictures though! It's just funny actually. Some guys just think they're a complete catch, even though they're far from that...

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