5 Reasons Why I'll Never Be a Writer at Buzzfeed

by - 7:19 PM

It was October when I discovered this glorious channel called Buzzfeed Video. One video of Americans trying Indian food and I was completely hooked. I thought nothing could top the taste tests, but I was wrong: the Try Guys were even better.
When it came to Buzzfeed, I'd been living under a rock until that day. I didn't know there was a website, neither did I know you could write for it or that becoming a Buzzfeed writer was an option. But now, about six months later, I've found out five reasons why I'll never be a Buzzfeed writer. The reasons will astonish you!



#1. Not a nostalgic 90s kid
I was there in the 90s! Well, from 1996 till the end I was there, but my main focus was eating, sleeping, and being an adorable little baby and toddler. The things I remember are playing outside, watching the Lion King and knocking over the stack of VHS tapes, because the Lion King somehow always ended up at the bottom of the stack. But am I nostalgic? Do I miss the typical 90s stuff?
No. Okay, I miss climbing trees and playing in the woods, but which kid didn't do those things? You don't have to be a 90s kid to miss childhood. So sadly, I won't be able to contribute anything to Buzzfeed's beloved 90s lists.

#2. How do you do gifs?
While everyone who's ever written a Buzzfeed article has an appropriate gif for every situation, I'm still trying to figure out how to pronounce the word. I simply suck at it, both at pronouncing and using gifs. It's not for lack of trying though, but every time I try I end up throwing my hands dramatically into the air, thinking: 'What am I doing wrong?! Why can't I freaking do this?!'



#3. My Dutchness
Now let's take a step back. There's Buzzfeed UK, Buzzfeed Canada, Buzzfeed India, Buzzfeed Japan... Probably some other branches too. But Buzzfeed Holland? Not gonna happen. We Dutch people prefer to read in Dutch or stick to regular Buzzfeed, 'cause we love everything American and the rest is way too exotic. So no Buzzfeed office for me to work at.
There's also the thing about being white and some Buzzfeed branches (*cough* Buzzfeed Canada *cough*) seem to prefer minorities...

#4. Wait, what am I supposed to write about? Is that a person?
I know one Kardashian: the one that was compared to an orca when she was pregnant. There's not a single boyband I really like. I'm trying hard to come up with a third example, but I'm failing miserably, which only proves that I'm not good at the whole celebrity thing. I don't care much about the 'awesome' celebrities, I don't care about the regular famous people and I definitely don't care about the shitty celebrities. So how would I ever be able to write about something completely crazy like the 1D baby conspiracy? Hats off to the person who wrote that one by the way, but I don't see myself pulling it off.

#5. 21 things about... shit, I only know 4
I've done my math. On average, my list posts contain 6,4 items. Buzzfeed lists? Well, I didn't do the math for Buzzfeed lists since I've reached my math quota for this month by analyzing my own posts. Anyway, I'm pretty sure we can all agree that their lists are much longer than mine. They have this things with 10 and 15 and for some reason I don't get, 21. If anyone knows why, do tell me.
Either way I'll never be able to meet that criterium, because this is only my fifth reason why I'll never be able to work at Buzzfeed and uhm... I'm kind of done...


I wouldn't say no to a job at Buzzfeed. Acutally I wouldn't turn any job offer that involved writing articles down. But let's face it: I'm no good for this site.
Stay Awesome!

You May Also Like

24 Fellow Ramblers

  1. Awesome post! I'm also probably absolutely no good for the site either :)

    Nabila // Hot Town Cool Girl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Maybe you will be great for it in the future ;)

      Delete
  2. this was really funny. lol. dont worry, I wouldnt make much of a Buzzfeed writer either. and Im from America.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha, thanks. Well, at least you have a chance of working at an actual Buzzfeed office if you suddenly turn into one ;)

      Delete
  3. HAHAHA! it's so on point, Envy! Buzzfeed is a like boredom repellent for me and I absolutely LOVE going through their videos and articles. It seems like we wouldn't be able to have a site for Pakistan as Buzzfeed India's material works well for both sides.

    Noor | Noor's Place

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Noor! I always turn to Buzzfeed in times of extreme boredom. I usually end up watching their videos when I'm supposed to study...
      Maybe there'll be a Buzzfeed Pakistan, you never know. At least you have relatable stuff already :)

      Delete
  4. I love both the Try guys as well as the Weird Things Couples do videos. But other than that I tend to stay away from Buzzfeed. Interesting YouTube video...

    Oh - have you tried http://giphy.com/? That's where I get all of my gifs.

    This was a really cute post. It had me chuckling. Don't worry - I can't provide an ample list either. I think my best is usually 8. SCORE!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! I'm glad to hear I made you chuckle :) My personal best is 15, but it was a struggle to get past 10, haha.
      Try Guys are the best, right? I don't think I've seen a Weird Things Couples Do video yet, but Buzzfeed produces so many videos that it's almost impossible to watch them all.
      I've tried giphy.com but for some reason I can never find any gifs that I'd really like to add to my posts. I try, but I prefer normal images.

      Delete
  5. The post is good, but number 3 seems unreasonable. Why do you mean Buzzfeed Canada prefers minorities? That's because minorities are never properly presented in the movie/writing industry. So of course i encourage they add more minorities. They need to do that for the normal Buzzfeed and Buzzfeed UK. It is ridiculous i personally believe you will be wanted, because you are WHITE since everyone thinks that's best race. Having minorities on the videos add DIVERSITY which we all need. I'm not hating on you or anything but please do more research on that before you complain that White people are not presented on Buzzfeed Canada.By the way Good Job on the post and your blogs are always good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Madeline,
      Thanks for both your compliments and criticism. However, I'd like to point out that I've added a link to a video that explains the whole matter on Buzzfeed Canada. There was a lot of drama concerning this branch of Buzzfeed, since one of the most important people there said she preferred writers who weren't white and who weren't male. Her reason for this was that these groups are overrepresented anyway and this was her attempt at fixing "all of history". Now I don't discourage adding diversity, I just think that the reason why she wanted this diversity was a little off. I'd also like to point out that I haven't said in any way that white people are NOT represented by Buzzfeed Canada, I just said they prefer people from minorities these days. Good for them, really. The thing is that the person who was in charge of judging pitches tweeted that she'd be less interested in reading a pitch from a white person.
      I also feel very much attacked by your statement that I'll be wanted because of my skin color. This feels terrible, since you're implying people will hire me based on skin color instead of talent, something none of us want. I don't think everyone thinks white is the best race of all, because I, as a white person, don't think so. I am white, not blind for reality.
      One final point before I go: number three was all about me being stuck in the Netherlands and not fitting the profile. The skin color issue was just an added detail that made me even more unfit for employment at Buzzfeed, a site that's already doing a great deal to promote diversity in my opinion. Employing me, your average white girl, would not help their image either. These are my reasons for mentioning this. Thanks for your comment, but please don't say that everyone thinks white is the best race. There is no such thing as a best race anyway.

      Delete
    2. Emphasis on white and diversity though, who's being racist here :P
      In case you don't want to watch the video here's written article on the same : http://www.mediaite.com/online/buzzfeed-canada-is-looking-for-writers-white-males-need-not-apply/
      Also that was supposed to be a joke in her post I think so no need to get on your high horse we're all messed up equally no matter what color we are or what language we speak no one is better except Neil patrick Harris coz lets face it he's perfect and that's not because he's white that's coz he's talented.

      Delete
    3. Did you read #3 properly? It refers to how there is no Buzzfeed that caters to specifically Dutch culture and that Envy would find it difficult to write anything interesting in other Buzzfeed branches.
      The line after that refers to what shenanigans Buzzfeed Canada had been pulling- a militant anti-white feminist rant on twitter, attempting to solve problems of racism and mysogyny by throwing whites and males under the bus. While I agree this statement could have been written better by Envy, the conclusion you have drawn from it is quite the leap! Is she complaining that whites are under-represented? She only said that "(Canadian) Buzzfeed branches seem to prefer minorities".
      It's like saying "I like drinking cold milk" and you concluding that I do not like drinking warmed milk.
      I too am not hating on you. I simply ask you to expand your horizons. Not everything is always about white superiority and not every white person is wrapped up in their colonial fantasies, and for a non-white to stamp this randomly on a stranger is only making things worse.

      Delete
    4. I first would like to say i haven't watched the video,since i did not see the link, so i apologize for not getting the whole picture. I do agree with what Catalina said about Envy writing it in a weird way, because when i read it, it seemed like she was complaining about not being able to get hired in Buzzfeed Canada because she is white. Now for the person that implied i was racist i would like to say "read my comment carefully". And Envy i deeply apologize for offending you, but i was trying to shed light that many minorities will not get hired because they are not white. Which is totally sad, and i definitely understand why the lady made that statement. Now does that mean i agree with her nope not all, in my perfect skin color wouldn't be something that should even be on a freaking application. I understand thag Buzzfeed doesn't cater to dutch people, but what can you do? I will stop rambling now, but I'm just surprised to see two other people slam my comment. Goor day

      Delete
    5. perfect world*
      I'll actually do a post oh this whole experience explaining my point of view which i do believe came out as wrong, so do excuse me Envy.

      Delete
    6. Apologies accepted Madeline, but since you said you didn't see the link I just have one last question for you: didn't the link show up in blue? Links are supposed to be bright blue on my blog, but if it wasn't I have some fixing to do.
      I agree that skin color should never be a criteria to hire someone, no matter what that skin color is. I'll be looking forward to seeing you point of view in a post.

      Delete
    7. Now that i'm using my computer i can definitely see the link, but when i was using my tablet the link blended with the font, so i didn't know there was a link.

      Delete
    8. Okay, thanks for letting me now.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. Hahaha. Lists are really hard to do. You would think they would be the easiest but nope

      Delete
    2. Thanks! I always thought lists were so easy, but then I'd get stuck after two or three items and just give up... XD

      Delete
  7. I have an unhealthy relationship with Buzzfeed, especially around exams, haha. I think it would be so fun to write for them, but I feel like I share a lot of your concerns.

    Loved your picture! Too funny!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha, thank you! Buzzfeed is that one site I always forget about, until I have deadlines or exams coming up. I think it'd be fun too, it'd probably be one of my dream jobs, but then again, there are some things about Buzzfeed that makes me think I'm not the right fit for them.

      Delete
  8. Buzzfeed is my lifeline, Envy, and I'm glad we share the love. <3
    Keep going strong!
    peridotcove.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Sanjana! Nice to hear from you again :)

      Delete

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good! Wait, no, I mean: I solemnly swear that I will answer each and every comment ;)