A Vampire's Mistake

by - 8:19 PM

That's right, this is a non-Valentine's Day post on Valentine's Day!

You may remember me telling about how I fell asleep while reading Twilight? That caused a lot of comments, both from people who liked Twilight and people who hated it. I am one of the latter and told Neal and Tudda Pudda about the time I wrote an anti-Twilight story about a vampire who cursed, drank and killed people. Neal and Tudda Pudda practically demanded me to publish the story, so here is chapter one of A Vampire's Mistake!


Note: I am Dutch and I write in Dutch. I have made a rough translation, there might be some serious errors in the grammar of this piece. Believe me, the Dutch version is better. 
One more thing: I've given you the unedited version, since I can't find the Word document with the edited version.


I was sitting in a tree that night, waiting for a tramp to pass by. If I believed in God, I'd thank him for tramps: no one noticed their disappearance and some of them tasted damn great.
I was playing with my knife, high up in a tree, when I heard hysterical laughter.
'Jacob is so much better! At least he didn't leave her to her fate!' yelled a shrill girl's voice.
I sighed. Twilight fans. Great. Ever since those terrible books and movies became a hype, my kind had to operate even more underground than we already did. We lost a lot of respect and teenage girls had girls had become a no-go: they all thought we'd become their personal Edward Cullen. At least that's what Daniel told me. I've never been one for teenage girls. Much too bitter to my taste.
A group of hysterical Twihards walked past my tree. I would have loved to shut them up for good, but their disappearance would attract too much attention. That's why I always went for tramps: nobody gave a fuck if yet another blood-drained tramp's body was found in the San Francisco Bay.
The group passed by, but they weren't at the corner at the street yet when one of them began to scream even more hysterically than before.
'What's wrong? What's wrong?!'
'I left my cell phone at the cinema! My parents are going to kill me! I've got to get my cell!'
One of the girls, standard Barbie doll type, short skirt and uggs, you know the kind, turned around and started back my way.
'Becky, you can't go back all by yourself!'
I pushed a few leaves aside and sniffed the air. Her blood smelled good. Nothing special, but better than your average tramp
'You just go home, I'll be fine!' she told her friends.
To me surprise her fellow Barbie dolls shrugged and disappeared around the corner. I sniffed the air once more. I was thirsty and this opportunity was too good to let go. I could wait all night for a smelly old tramp who'd probably taste like cheap booze, or I could take a gamble. She was only five meters away from my tree... three... two...
I let myself drop out of the tree, on top of her, and pinned her shoulders to the concrete sidewalk with my knees. I covered her mouth with my hand and checked if the street really was empty.
I brushed some of the long blonde hair out from her neck, so I could get to her carotid artery. Believe me, a mouth full of hair is no problem for a drinking vampire, but it's far from pleasant.
The girl didn't even put up a struggle. She just stared at me and then... Then she did something no one had ever done to me: she licked my hand.
'Gross,' I muttered while wiping my hand on her shirt. But before I got the chance to continue where I'd left off, the girl opened her mouth and I was washed away by a tsunami of words.
'Oh my god, oh my god, you're one of them, you're really one of them! And now you're going to bite me and turn me into a vampire so we can be together forever and ever and ever, just like Twilight!'
Daniel was right, teenage girls had become a no-go. And this one was stupid too. The problem was that I couldn't let her go at this point in time.
'Yes, of course I want to spend the rest of my eternal life with someone I don't know.' My voice was dripping with sarcasm, but she didn't seem to notice.
'Awesome,' she whispered. Then she brushed her all hair aside so I could get straight to her neck. Maybe teenage girls weren't a no-go after all.
I noticed she was shocked by the intense pain she felt when my fangs found home in the soft flesh of her neck. Her blood tasted better than I'd expected. Way better than the last I'd had.
I was sure I'd have enough time to finish the job. But at the exact moment I was thinking that, I heard footsteps coming my way. By that time the stupid Barbie doll had already lost so much blood that she'd lost conciousness.
I looked up and saw somebody come around the corner. Then I looked at the Barbie doll. It would be a huge risk to stop drinking at this point, but the consequences of being discovered were far worse. Besides, I thought there was enough time left and no one would worry about an unconcious girl lying next to a tree. It was a big city, things like that happened.
I jumped back up in my tree, back to the brancj that would hide me from view completely.
The footsteps I'd heard belonged to a drunk middle-aged man. With a bottle of whisky in his hand he bent over to take a look at the figure on the sidewalk. He mumbled something, took a big swig of whisky and tapped the Barbie doll softly on the head with his foot. When she didn't react to that, he kicked her and said: 'Hey, wake up!'
I smiled. When the prey's unconcious, they'd never wake up again. Unless the hunter made a mistake. Unless the hunter waited too long...
Meanwhile the man was searching his pockets, probably looking for a cell phone. I cursed. This could become a problem. If that drunk succeeded at sounding the alarms, I'd be screwed. Lucky for me, he didn't seem to find what he was looking for.
The man stared into the distance for a while, but then he seemed to come to a genius idea, 'cause he even put his beloved bottle of whisky down on the concrete before he got to work. He proceeded to search the girl's pockets.
'You won't find it there, mate,' I said just loud enough for him to hear me. Come on, the man was totally wasted, early next morning he wouldn't remember a thing. So I could have a little fun messing with him, right? Besides, time was running out and I wanted him out of here.
The man looked scaredly right and left, then ran for his life. I sighed and let myself drop to the concrete. I was already bent over the girl again when I heard the footsteps, that had disappeared around the corner barely a minute ago, come back. I cursed loudly while hiding in the tree again. I'd hoped the guy would stay away, but no, of course that had been too much to ask.
I was wondering why the mad had come back, when I saw him pick something up: his beloved bottle of whisky, which he'd left behind while running away in total panick. Then he stepped closer to the tree and accused it of stealing his booze.
I had trouble trying not to laugh at him. Especially when he decided to kick the tree, which resulted in his foot making painful cracking sounds. After doing the same thing with his other foot, with the same result, he gave up and finally stumbled away.

I waited. I knew I didn't have the time to wait, but I really didn't want to risk being seen by that drunk bloke. For all I knew he could have come back with a chainsaw to get his revenge on the tree. This never happened with the tramps from the park.
When I was finally sure the man wouldn't come back, the girl was still breathing. At least that was a good sign.
I came closer and knelt next to her. I cursed when I saw it: the weins in her neck and the right side of her face had become black. The venom, my venom, was spreading through her body. I was too late. I'd waited too long.
'Fuck,' I mumbled. It was the only appropriate word for the occasion. I stood up, kicked the tree out of sheer frustration and screamed at the night sky.
That night the word 'fuck' echod through the streets of San Francisco, endlessly screamed by one unlucky vampire.

So that was it. Chapter one of the vampire story I wrote when I was fifteen. Yes, it's almost four years ago that I started writing this. I wrote four chapters, got the plotline and then just... stopped XD
Stay Awesome!

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18 Fellow Ramblers

  1. So, will she become trampire? (see what I did there?) :P
    This is the most amazing thing like ever XD
    How did he travel up and down the tree so fast? o.O

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spoiler alert: she will become a vampire and cause a whole lot of trouble, though I haven't written more than her first day as a vampire XD
      And thank you. I think this is one of the best ideas for a novel I've ever had, I just didn't have the motivation to keep writing. Maybe I'll pick it up after my internship.
      Oh, about the tree-thing: he jumped. Vampire power, you know. One of the little details that got lost in translation :/

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    2. This is amazing :D XD
      Tramp and Vampire..still a better love story than twilight

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    3. You should see where this 'relationship' is going XD
      By the way, 'tramp' is a homeless person in this case ;)

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  2. Oh my goodness. This was truly amazing! You have to write more Envy! I love it!!

    ~Noor
    a little bit of sunshine

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Noor! I have three more chapters ready, so I'm seriously thinking about translating and publishing those too :)

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  3. Oh, wow! I haven't read anything like this before for a long time!
    Love your blog...the design is so lovely!
    -Lauren <3
    lovingourcreator.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind comment! It made my day :)

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  4. Oh my god, this is amazing!! :D Are you going to post the next chapters? :)
    I somehow always start writing a whole bunch of novels but never complete them :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I've decided to post at least one more chapter, since more people seem to be excited to read more :)
      You're not the only one who has a lot of unfinished novels ;) We should start a support group or something :P

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  5. This is such a funny story! I'm not a fan of Twilight nor do I have anything against it, but this is such an amusing parody of it. I was smiling throughout reading it. :) Haha, the things we write when we're fifteen. I wonder what happens in the next few chapters though, and how it ends. :)

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    Replies
    1. I'm so glad to hear you like it :) There'll be some more Twilight jokes coming up in the next chapter, but after that it starts to lead its own life. I have the plot ready, the only thing I need now is time. I think this story has a lot of potential. I wrote it mainly for fun when I was fifteen and I didn't come up with an actual plot until I was 17. I think now is the right time to go over the chapters I've already written and then turn this thing into something more 'real'.
      I wish I could tell you how it all ends, but I would be spoiling so much!

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  6. So awesome! I just can't! It has a really creepy but laid-back feel to it and I love it! The guy seems really cool and I like his character.
    Thanks so much for posting it. ^______________________^

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for the feedback! When I first wrote it I thought people wouldn't like it because the vampire isn't a very sympathetic narrator :S So I'm really glad to hear you say you like his character :)
      I'll try to get chapter two up by the end of the week. I've got two more after that... Then I'll go on editing and rewriting and finally continue with chapter five and the rest of the story :)

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    2. No, everyone is different. I find it annoying when they always make the vampires nice, right off the bat. They're not usually like that to each other so why would they act that way towards someone they don't even know, and see as their "food"?
      If you even get what I'm saying lol

      And yay, I'm looking forward to the rest! Though, no pressure. :D

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    3. This vampire is not going to be nice. Not at all XD You'll see how he interacts with his 'family' in the next chapter and you could say that the word 'nice' is not in their dictionary :P
      It's so good to hear you're looking forward to the rest. I wanted to put it up tomorrow, but I got sick on Tuesday and haven't done anything since. I got nauseated by looking at screens, so blogging and translating was out of the question...
      I only have two more pages to translate, a lot of it dialogue, so I'll probably be able to post this weekend :)

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