Revolving Doors are Not Your Friends

by - 8:57 PM

Life is a weird roller coaster full of craziness, I think we all agree to that. The silliest little things can change everything and our friends can make our lives revolve around the most ridiculous things.
I, for one, am still called 'the drowning otter' because of a little accident I had over two years ago. I'm also greeted with a simple 'HODOR' and my oldest friends know me as the half-American. After that, I thought I'd be prepared for whatever kinds of craziness college would throw at me.
Fandoms, travelling and writing had been the centre of my world, piece of cake to handle. But then something unexpected happened, something I didn't know how to handle, and I suddenly found myself in a situation where my whole life revolved around... a revolving door.

Not if your name is Envy...
A revolving door is something unseen in Dutch high schools. But college buildings on the other hand are one big maze of revolving doors and creepy corridors. The revolving doors themselves are pure evil. Some just stop, right when you're locked in on all sides by glass and, with some bad luck, smelly college students from at least two sides.
Other revolving doors are down right schizophrenic and seem to have humiliating you as a life goal. These doors can open up in the middle, like normal automatic doors. But when you expect them to be automatic doors, you'll find yourself being swept off your feet by a glass door. When you expect them to be a revolving door and you start walking in a circle, they suddenly open up in the middle - right when some seniors come out and see you walking in a pointless circle.
The third kind of revolving door is the one that turned my short college career upside down. This is the revolving door of questionable size. Step in on your own and you seem to have enough space left to take your pet unicorn with you. Try to get in as the second person and you'll get smacked in the face by a slab of glass.
I'd avoid this one if I could, but the trouble is that I have to go through this door every single day to go from building A to building B, since the hallway connecting the two is being renovated. Every day thousands of students have to go through this door one by one, causing colossal traffic jams.

From the start of the very first day I've been fascinated by this door. How many people could fit in there? Two average college students? Three boulimic girls? Half a sumo wrestler?
On my second day of college I decided that I was going to find out. 'One day I'm gonna sneak in with someone and see if we make it to the other side!' I announced.
I spent the days after that observing the revolving doors. I had almost found the prefect method for executing my sneaky stalker experiment, when I walked to class with one of the guys from my year. 'One day,' I told him as we approached the revolving door. 'One day I'm going to go sneakily through that door with someone else.'
'Or we could do it together now,' he said.
I was speechless. Why hadn't I thought of that before? That would be so much easier than following someone and hoping they don't accidentaly slam the door in my face.
So I stepped into a slice of the revolving door with him. It was extremely uncomfortable and a bit claustrofobis. There was barely enough room to breathe.
We started walking, which made me nervous. Six steps to the other side, but at what pace? I couldn't walk too fast. If I did that, my classmate might accuse me of sexual harassment. I could walk too slow either. If I did that I would accuse the glass door pushing against my bum of sexual harassment.
I went slowly, inching towards the other side. My classmate walked slowly too and somehow we found the best postion to walk and not touck eachother in inapropriate places. But then, just as I thought we were going to make it, the revolving door slowed down, slowed down, almost got stuck...
But we pushed and pushed and pushed against the glass and broke free! I took a deep breath, glad it was over. I felt heroic though, like I'd completed an epic journey - until I saw some of my classmates laughing their heads off because of my revolving door experiment.

Curiosity is part of human nature and I was proud of the succes of my experiment. I immediately texted my high school friends - who also laughed their heads of in a few LOL's and ROFL's.
My epic revolving door story got turned into a failed romance. 'Shall we go through the revolving door together?' is now a tacky pick-up line.
So what did I learn that day? To be honest, I think I learned a lot. The maximum capacity of the revolving door is one Envy plus one Christian dude. High school friends are not impressed by my scientific experiments. But most important of all: Revolving doors are NOT your friends!

Avoid revolving doors and stay awesome!

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8 Fellow Ramblers

  1. Oh my God "Shall we go through the revolving door together" LOL xD
    I think revolving doors are cool but what really freak me out are escalators. I saw this animated Superman episode once where Lois Lane falls into the space under the escalators and the chain thingy was going to crush her and ever since then, I've had this fear of getting my foot stuck at the end and being sucked into the hellish danger zone below o.o (I have NO IDEA how Lois fell in there- I just remember her almost getting crushed xD)

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    1. It's not that weird to ask that, is it? I mean, I've heard pick up lines that were a whole lot worse XD
      I used to be afraid of escalators too, there was one in the local shoe shop that was so steep that my whole generation has an escalator trauma. But what really scared me are thos automatic walkways they have at the airport. I once fell on one of those. Gigantic wound on my knee, cried for hours and avoided walkways for years >.<"

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  2. I always loved going through revolving doors! Quite an experiment you did there, it was a delight to read it!

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    1. Thank you so much :) I was a fan of revolving doors too, until this experiment :P

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  3. I loved this post! Your experiment really made me laugh XD What I hate is when you push a door that you're meant to pull, or vice versa. There's always an awkward moment when I'm like, wait, why isn't this door opening? And then I see the giant 'Push' sign on the door and I scuttle through hoping nobody saw me:D That happens so much at school even though I've been through all the doors a thousand times! :)

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    1. I'm glad to hear it made you laugh, that made my day :)
      I know what you mean, I push doors that I have to pull all the time. Even worse, the first time I went to visit my current college, check out the building and stuff, I wanted to go through one of those doors and it had a 'Push' sign on it. So I pushed it and pushed it and it wouldn't open. So I stepped aside until some college student came along. And he pulled the door open. And I was like: 'but it says 'Push!'' Most embarrassing moment of my college visit XD

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  4. I hear they're planning to take over the world.See anyone taking their unicorns through it?
    That 'Shall we go through the revolving door together?' line xD

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    1. I heard them plotting when I came close to one of them. Last Friday one of them attempted murder by revolving so slowly, we almost ran out of oxygen before we got to the other side.
      You'd be surprised to see how many people bring their unicorn to my college XD
      Don't use the line if you want to pick up girls. Don't even think of using it.

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